A quick update

On this past Thursday I went into labor at about 3 pm. I labored for a few hours before I called the doulas and my mom and the babysitter. By 11pm my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart so we packed up and went to the hospital. I was 6cm so being that this is my third baby they rushed around to get everything ready because they were sure I was going to have the baby very shortly.

Then... things started to slow down. By the early morning my contractions had spaced way out and things started to stop. By breakfast my contractions were nearly non-existant and when the midwife checked me my cervix had closed back up to 2-3 cm.

I was devestated. This is just about my worst fear. That I will go into labor and things will stop and they will send me home (all based of course on the crappy start and stop labors I had with my other two). So they spent the day trying to get my labor going again. First we tried stripping my membranes, enemas and nipple stimulation. They started the contractions back up but not too close. By midmorning the midwife asked me if I wanted to try pitocin. I didn't really want to but chose to go ahead and try that. I had pitocin for 6 hours. Painful, strong contractions and I tried to stay positive. At 5 the midwife checked me... My cervix had done nothing... So we went home. No Abby.

So here I am again... At home with no baby. I am pretty down and just trying to stay positive but it is really hard!

As soon as I have good news I will definitely update everyone!

37 weeks and 4 days

That is what I am today.... Emma was born at 37w 5d and Josiah was born at 37w 6d. And I am 100% sure that isn't going to happen with this little one.

I have an appointment with my midwife today. I plan on BEGGING her to strip my membranes today. I can't take the contractions anymore. They hurt, they are annoying and I am sick of wondering if every single contraction is the start of the real thing. I have been trying some other "natural" induction type things this week... NOT WORKING!

I guess it's just as well that Abby has waited this long. One of my doula's was out of town for the last 5 days. I am glad that she will be here now when I finally do go into labor. She will be back in town sometime this evening.

Although a tax deduction would be nice.. I really don't care about it at all as much as I care about not going further with this pregnancy than I have before... It is really hard on me right now to think that I may go past 38 weeks when I have never even made it 38 weeks.

Hopefully I will have some kind of good news soon!

Merry Christmas!

The conversation over breakfast this morning between Pete and I pertained to our poor neglected fish. They rarely get fed (maybe 3 times a week?)... we forget! So Pete looked at the little tank and said "Do you think the fish at least deserve to eat on Christmas??"

So Merry Christmas everyone!!! (And feed your fish!)

I am still here...

It's been awhile and I am sorry. But I have spent the better part of the last week just feeling sorry for myself. I am tired, cranky, huge, worn out, sick of pregnancy... did I mention cranky???

I made it to 36 weeks on Sunday. Exactly one more week than that crazy midwife said I would make it?? And wouldn't you know I was a bit peeved at the fact?? I mean seriously if someone tells you that there is a chance that you might not have to pregnant much longer wouldn't you be a bit excited about it? I mean, yes, the longer the baby is in the better but... I am really tired of it all! I get so tired out just doing the littlest things. It is so annoying! I tire out and get totally out of breath just showering and getting dressed. Getting the kids ready to go out the door somewhere??? Someone call crane!

At any rate... Yesterday was Josiah's birthday! He is one! Yeah!!! We made it a year with our little boy. And it certainly doesn't feel like a year. I plan on doing an entry with some really cute pics of our boy but I am trying to think of what I want to write!

Everyone wanted me to have the baby yesterday so that they could share a birthday... Thank God that didn't happen! Now everyone is rooting for Christmas day. And that would be fine except that my doula is out of town from this coming Saturday till next Thursday... And since I am paying the lady good money I would kind of like her to be there!

So here is my plan. Keep my legs crossed till next Thursday at which time I will have another appointment with my midwife. Then I will ask her...no... BEG her to strip my membranes (I will be 37w4d(Go ahead flame me I don't care... both of my other kids were born at that time!)). Then I will come home utilize my dear dear hubby... and hopefully by midnight be in labor! At which point my doual will be home and everything will work out because how awesome would it be to have Pete have the weekend (three days I might add!) off when the baby is born... But of course since we all know that is way to convienent I am sure it won't work....

Oh and did I mention that just about everyday I have contractions.... timeable... for hours at a time... that get pretty painful?? Just not fair I tell ya... it's a tease... a tease that makes it even harder than it already is to still be pregnant... Come out already Abby! The outside is better! Really!

The end is just in sight!

Yesterday I hit the 35 week mark.... so much for that midwife that thought I wouldn't make it till then! While it is still kind of early to have the baby I won't have to go to the hospital where there is a NICU. I still have contractions that are timeable. Some are uncomfortable. But looking back to my pregnancy with Josiah I don't think they are as bad. I do know that by this time with Josiah I was being kept awake at night from the contractions.... So far that hasn't happened. (Knock on wood!)

Now if I can just get past the last few weeks! Emma and Josiah were born just a couple days short of 38 weeks. Um that's 2 1/2 weeks from now! I am 100% sure I am NOT ready for a new baby. That is what is torturing me! I want so badly to be done being pregnant. I am tired of being uncomfortable. Tired of the horrendous heartburn (the worst I have ever had it.) Tired of the constant trips to the bathroom. Just tired of sharing my body with the baby! But when I think of the alternative... baby on the outside making it three kiddos to take care of.... I am scared... crapless!

I do know that it wouldn't be so bad and I wouldn't be dreading it or fearing it if Josiah were older. I wasn't worried at all about taking care of he and Emma when I was getting close to the end. I just figured that Emma would be my little helper. And she was! But Josiah??? That is a totally different story! He is a mama's boy through and through. And while I think it is so sweet how much he needs me and clings to me it is upsetting me to think about how it will be when he realizes there is another baby taking his mommy's attention. If I dwell on it long enough I cry!

Then of course there is the sleeping situation that is still unpredictable at best! Last week he slept in his playpen all night 5 out of 7 nights. And while he still whimpers in the night and we still have to get up and give him his binky we don't have to always pick him up and be up with him for hours on end anymore. He was sleeping with us just fine at first but started to get really restless and wouldn't sleep! He wanted to play! So sleeping with us is now just reserved for the nights when we can't console him no matter what we do. This is a vast improvment to what we were dealing with two months ago. But I still worry about how it is all going to work when the baby comes. We don't want to put Josiah back in his crib in the kids room yet until he can sleep without crying out.... That just opens a whole other can of worms called Emma! So he will be in our room for a while after the baby is born. I can just see it now! Baby cries... Josiah cries.

At any rate... I am still excited about meeting Abby and seeing what color hair she has and who she looks like. I am really interested in seeing what her size is in comparison to Josiah. (Um... still a little scared of labor... memory too fresh in my mind!) I can't wait to give nursing another try... and this time do it! I am anticipating having a little baby to hold and cuddle. Oh and I am REALLY excited to put all the little cloth diapers on her! So I am still normal but I have fears!

So as it stands today I am 35w 1d. If Abby graces us with her presence when Emma and Josiah did that is just 2 weeks and 3-4 days from now... Yikes!! I better get the rest of my preparation done! Because if the next 2-3 weeks go by as fast as the last few have then I will be posting pics of Abby in no time!

Still hanging in there

I am still around.... but boy am I getting tired of all this!

In lieu of complaining about contractions and such I decided I would talk about what I am getting done! I am supposed to be taking it easy. But I figured that on the off chance Abby makes an early appearance maybe I should get some stuff done!

Yesterday I managed to clean our bedroom! You can see the floor now! And then I emptied my small dresser so that I could put Abby's things in it. Now I am down a dresser. But it was easier than going out and buying one! I did a bunch of laundry... but you couldn't tell by looking at the pile that still has to be done! While cleaning up and sorting baby clothes I found a bag full of white flannel fitteds... size small... leftover from Emma that never got used with Si because I couldn't find them... I was so happy! Now I don't feel pressured to sew a bunch more size smalls. I can just concentrate on getting things ready to go for the baby. Especially since I have put it off for so long!

On Monday and Tuesday I ended up sewing two diaper bags. And as soon as I can get our dumb digital camera to work I will put up pics... One is all pink... Pete hates it! The other one is a blue corduroy with purple and green flowers with a green inside. He says he can tolerate that one! So now I can pack Abby's bag and then I suppose I should think about getting mine packed. Although like I said before I never use what I pack!

Now I just have three diapers sitting unfinished. A pair of wool pants unfinished and a soaker unfinished. If I can finish that in the next two-three weeks I will be ready by Christmas... That's my goal! Although talking to some people they all think I will never make it till Christmas. I on other hand the pessimist in the family thinks is will be January. I would not want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed on New's Years Eve!!

So I guess instead of sitting here on the computer maybe I will get up and do some work! I only have three more days to get through and I will be 35 weeks.... And past the point of no return!

It's not time yet!

So yesterday I was noticing a lot of mucus... um down there... I started paying better attention and realized that I was losing chunks of it when I went to the bathroom. And to top all that off I had a good 3-4 hours yesterday of contractions that were 4 minutes apart.

Now I know I have had this problem in the past... but I never lost my mucus plug this early... And so now I am beginning to wonder if I should really take it easy. If I can get to this Sunday it would be so much better. The baby wouldn't be at a high risk of problems. And then I would be able to go to my hospital with my midwife and not the big city hospital with the NICU.

I am having a lot of feelings towards all this. There is a small part of me that kind of wishes she would come early because frankly I am tired of being pregnant. While this pregnancy hasn't been that bad physically, it has been a hard pregnancy emotionally and I am ready to be done. I also have fears that if she is born early there will be problems, she won't make it or it will compromise my one last chance to breastfeed. Ideally I would like to see her stay in there for at least for 2 1/2 more weeks. That would put me at 37 weeks. And then a lot of my fears would subside. But still.... I feel guilty about that one small part of me that wishes she would just go ahead and come if that is what is going on so I can be done with it all...

At any rate. I am wishing for one of two things right now. Either the contractions and other weird signs of labor go away until they are necessary. OR. I just go ahead and go into labor so I can get it all over with...

Don't know which one I want more. But I sure would like one or the other... Not both!

Just keeping my fingers crossed that I at least stay pregnant till Sunday 12 AM.

(Oh and another couple weeks to get Josiah sleeping better would be nice too!)

I didn't sign up for this!

Last night we were woken by a sick two year old.... um... we are talking stomach bug sick. You know... the gross kind! So all night she was up sick. Her loving father stayed up with her and the bucket while I stayed in the other room to take care of the other one who was up (although he wasn't sick!)

Emma was fine this morning and acted like she was never sick! Fast forward to this afternoon. Pete is sick now... couple hours later... me too!! Sigh... we are just waiting for the last one to fall now... Josiah. So far he shows no signs of being sick. But I fully expect to be up all night with him.

So on to the part that I didn't sign up for... I think it is kind of funny how we decide we want kids! But we never give thought to all the bodily fluids that comes along with parenthood! This has been my worse fear... Sick... everywhere... by someone other than me. Yuck! Now even though it wasn't all that bad it was made worse by the fact that Pete and I are sick as well! It just isn't fair for the whole family to be sick at the same time. Especially mom who still has to take care of the kids, house and food detail (which, I might add, sucks when you are sick!)

Here's to hoping we get through tonight in one piece and get a clean slate by Monday.

My only consolation?? At least we all got sick BEFORE Abby was born!