They put me on hold!

For two nights in a row there hasn't been any rooms available for inductions at the hospital. And as of this morning my midwife is not in town. At first I was kind of upset about it. Then the more I thought about it I started to hope that I would either be induced today by a different midwife or at the very least I would go into labor this weekend while she is gone...

I know that sounds so harsh but I am currently mad at her! And as a hormonal pregnant woman I would say it's my perrogative! We used to work together 6 years ago... and I think due to the fact that we have a personal relationship is kind of hindering our medical relationship. There have been times she has said things that really hurt my feelings... For example when I would have complaints she would make comments like "Well, Rebekah, you are just like the princess and the pea and you tend to feel everything and it makes you uncomfortable." Okay even if I were a whiner... why would you say that to your patient. I doubt she would say that to any of her other patients.

There have been other things... but then Tuesday when I went in for an appointment we sat and talked about induction... But first I told her about the hard time I have been having with depression and how I am so sure that if I had the baby it would help tremendously because I am becoming so depressed because of all the false labor that creates false hope.... She sighed and said "We agreed to wait till 41 weeks before we talked induction." I said "No... you offered 41 weeks. Therefore as my care provider I assumed you were telling me that was the absolute soonest it could be done. But I know better and I feel like it is important to my mental health to talk about it sooner." She got mad... then got quiet. Then my mom asked her at what point we need to start worrying about me not just the baby. Especially since I am so close to my due date. She got really defensive and said she was thinking about me when she had tried to augment my labor two weeks ago. And my mom argued back that, that had been two weeks ago and I had endured another two weeks of endless and pointless contractions. At this point she finally said she would check with the docs about doing an induction that night or the next. I told her I wasn't looking to be induced that day... but maybe the beginning of next week. She just told me if we are going to do it we may as well do it.

I could tell she was mad about it. She sounded okay on Tuesday when she told me there wasn't a room available and told me she was sorry. But then yesterday when I called to check and see if there was room she told me there wasn't. So I asked her what now. She told me they don't do inductions on Friday, Saturday or Sundays. I told her tomorrow is Thursday! She said oh yeah and then told me that if I wanted to I could call and chat with the midwife that is on call tomorrow (today) and see if she would be willing to head up my induction... I was shocked to say the least... I really feel like it isn't my responsibilty to "check" with the midwife today... If she truly cared about me as she said she does and if she wanted to help me to get past all this by inducing me she would have passed it all on to the other midwives and told me they would contact me in the morning... But nope! It's up to me to call, explain and then ask...

Anyways... If I am not in labor by lunchtime I am thinking about calling the midwife and talking to her about it all... I don't think that another midwife will agree to it... But I can at least check into it.

So still no baby. And no definite info on if I will be induced or not. I am praying that God will allow it to all happen the way He sees fit! But sometimes it isn't the way we want it to happen... is it?