False alarms

After experiencing contractions all yesterday afternoon and evening and then all night I decided I would call the midwives' office this morning. At one point yesterday the contractions had gotten 4-5 minutes apart. I had so hoped that I wouldn't have to deal with this this time!

I spoke with one of the midwives on the phone and she mentioned that the other midwife had told her this is normal for me. I said yes it is but since I had been thouroughly freaked out by the other midwife I was upset this might be true preterm labor this time. She had me come into the office.

I sat there for an hour. Continuing to get contractions the whole time and was finally called back an hour later (they had just sqeezed me in). I got back to a room and the nurse said I would see Michelle (my regular midwife who I haven't seen in over a month) or Pam (the one I talked to on the phone and have never met before). Turns out I see Pam, who is a very nice lady and I wouldn't mind seeing her again. She checked me right away.

She told me that I was not 80% effaced but that I might be about 50% effaced and maybe 1 cm dialated. She said it is quite possible I may have been 80% effaced yesterday but if Abby had changed positions that would cause the effacement to change as well. But she also said it feels like the typical cervix of a woman who has already had two babies. I thanked her for reassuring me and told her that I had just gotten so nervous when one of the other midwives had said yesterday that she hoped to get another two weeks out of me.

Pam laughed and said "Oh we will definitely get two more weeks out of you... most likely 4. You will probably make it to the point you did with the other two."

So although I am still having contractions I am really glad that I got a second opinion so to speak. Now I can breath a bit easier and not overanalyze every twinge. I think I will go back to being oblivious to the contractions and pretend they aren't there till I can't pretend anymore! Besides I really only have 1 week and two more days to worry about preterm labor and then she can come whenever she wants to!

But please.... I still need to finish the diapers, nursing pads, mama pads and other preparations first!

Not what I was expecting

I had an appointment today with my midwife. I am currently 33 weeks and 3 days.

Last night I started to have contractions. They were uncomfortable and had been waking me up a few times last night. Then this morning when mom and I were at Walmart I had a couple really strong and painful ones. So when I got in to see her I told her what was going on. She asked me how far apart they were. I told her I wasn't keeping track because I just figured it would all go down the way it did with the first two! And I really don't want to be analyzing every ache and pain between now and delivery.

Anywho... she asked me if she could check me. I got on the table and she did her thing. She looked at me and said "Well you are a fingertip dialated which is no big deal, BUT you are 80% effaced, your cervix is almost completely thinned out."

Grrreeeaaat..... Just what I wanted to hear. So she told me no sex, take it easy, drink tons and keep track of how close they are. On my way out the door she also said and I quote, " I would really like to get at least 2 more weeks out of you."

I feel like if she wasn't that worried about it or concerned that she wouldn't have said that last thing. Oh and she also wants me to come in next week instead of two weeks because she wants to keep an eye on me.

Now I don't know if I am worried about it or not. I don't want to be... but then another part of me thinks I should be worried! At any rate. She doesn't think I will make it too much longer. I guess maybe we will be looking at another Christmas baby this year.... (watch me go two weeks late!). But she can't come on Si's birthday! I want them to have separate b-days!

Don't worry... I will keep everyone posted!

Parenthood Embarassment

We were at church on Sunday and one of the ladies that work in the nursery saw Emma and said "Hey Peanut!"

This is the conversation that ensued.

"I NOT peanut!! I Emma!! Siah has a peanut on his bummy!"

(I sink into the floor!)

Kind lady laughs and said "Oh okay! I won't call you that anymore!"

Emma responds, "It looks like a worm!"

(Further.... I sink even further into the floor!)

Kind lady said "Well I think this is where I leave!"

A nice talk with Emma was held later on the common courtesies of public behavior. One being that we do not talk about our brother's peanut with the people at church! And um the worm?? I have NO idea where that came from!

I caught the bug

It would seem that I may have finally caught the bug... You know... the nesting bug.

Today I looked around my house and thought... ICK! I need to get on top of cleaning. And I want it all to be clean by the time I am 35 weeks. Just in case. So that gives me less than 2 weeks! As I looked around I made a mental list of what I could do besides the obvious. A thought crossed my mind. I thought to myself "Self... I think you should clean out all of the cabinets, disinfect them and rearrange them." So for any of you that know me personally you know this is NOT like me!

So on my list of things to do tomorrow. Clean the kitchen top to bottom. (Maybe rearrange the cabinets) And I would like to maybe mop the floor... but that might be pushing it! It kills my back to do that!

There has been something bothering me lately too.... I haven't really had any desire to get things ready for Abby yet. Now I don't know if that is because I don't feel like it or what. But I am seriously behind in preparation for her. I have washed some of her clothes. But they are not put away. I need to finish her diapers and then wash all of those. I am finally starting to have a desire to maybe empty out my extra dresser and fill it with nice clean baby clothes. So I think I will make that my goal for the week. We think we may need to buy another infant car seat too... So after I do all that I think we might be somewhat ready for her.

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I am 33 weeks now. I can't believe how fast this has gone! Yet even though it felt speedy it feels like these last weeks are going to go forever ( I know that isn't true! ) So I am trying to just get from one week to the next instead of looking at the big picture... It's too discouraging! I sure can't wait to sleep at night without having to answer to nature every 45 minutes! And it sure will be nice to be able to move without feeling like my pelvis is going to tear apart!

Wednesday I am having another ultrasound. This one is to check position of the baby. Since she is breech they want to have a look see and see where she is at this week. I am praying she isn't breech anymore. But I suspect that she moves a lot and I am pretty sure she switches positions often. So even if her head is down on Wednesday that doesn't mean it will be next week! Oh I plan on asking for a reassuring look at her girly bits to make sure I didn't make a bunch of pink diapers for nothing!

I plan on asking the midwife if I can deliver her breech if she stays that way. I really don't want to have a c-section. Surgery scares the poo out of me!

I will update everyone with her position of choice after my appointment on Wednesday!

I just can't help it

But I am already starting to count down the weeks and days till the arrival of Abby. But instead of counting down to my due date I am counting down to week 37 and day 5. Why you ask? Well that was the day of gestation that Emma made it to before coming into this world. And then my next day to look forward to is 37w6d. This was Josiah's gestational age before making it to our little home.

So I can't help but want to hope against hope that Abby will follow suit with her brother and sister and come early. I am not sure I could make it for a whole 40 weeks. Of course I would if I had too. But I don't want to!

Today I am 32w1d. I had uncomfortable contractions all day yesterday. A few times yesterday they were only 2-3 minutes apart. Then they would go away for a couple hours and come back again. The baby is also to the point where due to her size some of the movements she makes hurts! My belly feels bruised in a lot of places. I don't even like Pete touching my stomach. And I go through the roof when one of the kids pushes on me... It is just so sore!

I am trying to stay busy. But I have no motivation. The more I move the more contractions I have and while they don't always hurt they are VERY annoying. I haven't even starting sewing my size small stash. I still owe people diapers online. Unfortunately some of the diapers are for mom's who have already had their babies! And the ones I do have done are sitting on the counter waiting for the post office. But I just don't have the energy to pack up two kids and go mail them off....

I still have a pair of knit longies that are missing a leg. I started crocheting a soaker but don't feel like working on it. I tried to start knitting some booties yesterday. Who knows if I will finish them. I know I have to at least finish the diapers otherwise we will have a nakey butt in the house! I also am awaiting the pattern I ordered from a coop for the diaper bag I want to make. So I will need to do that as well when I finally get the pattern. But I also have to get fabric for that!

And where am I today? Sitting on the couch with the laptop and listening to Nathan Lane sing a song on Sesame Street. Tell me why Nathan Lane is on Sesame Street?

What do I need to get done today? Um the tons of laundry that has been laying around. Dishes. General cleaning. I have to get the grocery list together for our trip to the store later today. And sometime in the next few hours I probably should try to find my way to the shower. But do I want to do any of this? NOOOOO.

Here's to hoping that I only have 5w and 4 days left. Although when put that way I had better get my butt moving on all these stinking projects!

Need to finish (for the baby):
-Small diapers
-Knit the leg on the longies
-Finish the soaker
-Finish the booties
-Find a home for Abby's clothing
-Sew and then pack the diaper bag (we will be using cloth in the hospital, need to make a plan as to how many to bring and how to transport it.)
-Find a safe place for Abby to sleep when she isn't in our bed.

Need to do for me:
-Sew some mama pads so I don't have to use the "other" kind
-Sew some nursing pads. (someone is sending me 12. So I think maybe 12 more)
-Pack my bag... (do I really need one? I never use the stuff I pack! Maybe a Walmart bag with a pair of pants and shirt in it would be enough...)

Need to finish for Christmas:
-Make fudge
-Make cookies
-Make mini breads
-Find tins to put all baked goods in for gifts
-Wrap the kids presents (although when and where I will do this is a mystery!)
-Figure out what to do for Pete for Christmas

Need to do this week:
-Finish the laundry
-Bake 3 pies
-Make a bread bowl for dipping bread
-Make fudge (still debating that one)
-Find cute outfits for the kids for Thursday
-um.... cute outfit for mom... yeah right.... nothing fits
-Charge up the camera and video camera... this is Si's first Thanksgiving

Misc:
-Sew two "shower" diapers.
-Sew a swap diaper by the 30th
-Sew a diaper that I am giving to a mama who has sent me a ring sling (Um this needs to be done yesterday!)

Oh man.... I think I just depressed myself even more! I am never going to get all this done!!

An accomplishment!

Josiah spends the first part of his night in his playpen. Then after he wakes in the night he comes to bed with us. This allows us to be alone for a little bit and I can sleep without baby feet in my back!

Well for the past two nights he has gone 7 hours in his playpen and then 8 hours last night. I was soooo happy! He still gets a bottle when he gets up because frankly I would rather just give him the bottle and be able to go back to sleep than to stay up half the night. But we have started to water the formula down. We are hoping that if we do that and end up eventually giving him just water then he will finally decide it isn't worth waking up for!

My new goal is that hopefully Josiah will at least be in his playpen all night by the time Abby comes. If I am lucky maybe we will have been able to transition him back into his crib as well. I am starting to see a light at the end of this dark tunnel. The prospect of getting more sleep has renewed my energy and willingness to have this new baby! Not having to worry about how I will take care of them both is making it much easier on me as well!

Here's to hoping Josiah gets the hang of this sleep thing by Christmas!!

Ahh... the cuteness!

The cuteness! It's everywhere in our house!! I had to share a couple pictures since I haven't in so long!

Here is Josiah and Emma on a Sunday morning. Josiah had been sitting nicely in the chair and we got a few of him alone. Then we put Emma over there to get one of the both of them.


And here is Josiah. He was playing in my room next to our closet door. I was watching him and thought it would make the cutest picture! This was the best one out of about 10.


I can't believe that he is going to be 11 months old on Sunday! That is just crazy! It seems like just a few weeks ago. It feels like it was just Christmas, yesterday! I know that is probably because the holidays are here again. But with the closing of Josiah's first year we will be welcoming the opening Abby's first year. An ending and a beginning.

The cuteness abounds! And it's going to get even cuter when Abby comes!

Little Buddha Baby

That is how Abby was sitting today in my belly. Legs crossed indian style with her butt down and her little head up....

Um... So that sucks! I have been suspecting that she was breech for a little while because of where I have been feeling all the movement. I was a little bit bummed when the midwife told me she was head up. I said so! But the midwife assured me that she will probably turn 100 more times before it really matters. I am kind of skeptical. But I really hope she is right.

I would hate to have a c-section. Especially since I have already had two normal deliveries! Also another thing that scares me is that external version they do where they drug you up and attempt to turn the baby from the outside. I think it is as painful as it sounds!!

Other than that the midwife I saw today was not my regular one as she was on vacation. But this midwife told me that she is very sure this baby will not be as big as Josiah.... THANK GOD! That means she should fly out of there with little effort! That is what I am hoping for. I needed to hear that though because I have been worried about another shoulder dystocia. That scares me more than labor itself!

I think I gained one pound. But the midwife said my weight gain was fine. So I am going to continue not to worry about it.

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So I am done sewing my newborn diapers. I am going to take a pic of all of them laid out so I can see how big my "stash" is. Now I just need to get a bee in my bonnet to start sewing the 36 size smalls I need. (Heave a big sigh) I am just so tired and uncomfortable now. I bet the discomfort is because her hard head is in my ribs!

I am currently working on a knit pair of longies and a crochet pair. I better hurry up and finish those! I was hoping that maybe I could have one of them done so she could wear them home from the hospital. But at the rate I am going I doubt that will happen!

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The contractions started full force! Not near as painful as they were with Josiah at this point. I am just choosing to ignore them this time though. I really don't want to make a million trips to L+D only to be told, for the hundredth time, that this is normal for me and nothing is happening. At least I have one thing going for me... Having gone through all of Josiah's labor and delivery completely drug free I now really and truly know what labor feels like. So I am sure that I won't have a problem recognizing it.

We have two doulas that will be coming with us to the hospital. They will come to my house at first and then leave to go with us when we are ready to go. I am glad though because I am hoping they will encourage me to stay home longer this time rather than rush to the hospital. I am hoping to make it to the hospital and only have a couple hours to be there before she makes her appearance. It seems like the last two times when I went to the hospital as soon as I got there things stall out. So I want to make sure I am far enough along that there ain't no turning back!

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I am so sorry about the lack of posts! I am sure I have lost readers because of it! But I plan on keeping up a bit better in the future!

Right on cue

I am 30 weeks today. Eight weeks left to go if I go as early as I did with Emma and Si. Ten weeks left to go if I go to my due date.

So what's so special about today? A whole lot of nothing. Except for one thing. Over the weekend those lovely things called contractions started up. Why oh why can't I just have a normal pregnancy??? I had started to think I was going to get by this time with nothing but plain old Braxton Hicks... Nope. Not me. Not ever.

They started on Saturday and I thought maybe it was just cause I had overdone it. But it continued yestrday and that was after almost 2 liters of water. So I guess it is safe to assume that my old friend is back. The only problem I forsee is if they keep me up at night then not only will I have that to contend with that but I will have to still deal with Si and the incessant peeing!

I will just keep my eye on the prize. I refuse to let it get me into the state I was in with Josiah. I know what I get from the pain. Beautiful children! Children, who aside from all their shortcomings, still brighten my day and give me a great reason to wake up in the morning. It brings that newborn baby. The smell of a little head that is cuddled up against your chest. The unconditional love that consumes you from the very center of your soul.

So am I annoyed with the fact that I am going to have the same problem as usual? Heck yah I am!!! But Abby is at the end of the journey and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I can do this again. Because I have to, because I have in the past and because I love my children.

If ya can't beat 'em.... Join 'em!

Josiah's neverending sleeping problem has progressively gotten worse over the last month. What started out as one night waking turned into three or more and sometimes those lasted hours. After a night this week with only 2.5 hours of sleep I decided that something had to give! I couldn't take anymore of the sleepless nights! Pregnancy and sleep deprivation do not mix.

Two nights ago I decided to just let Josiah sleep with us after the first night waking. Pete didn't like being kicked so he went out into the living room ( one of the things that I have always had a problem with when it comes to co-sleeping ). But do you know what??? Josiah slept the rest of the night with me and never woke again!!

Sometime in the middle of that night I went out to Pete on the couch and told him if this is something we are going to do then we HAVE to get a king size bed so that Pete isn't relegated to the couch.... So last night we went out bed shopping and tomorrow my wonderful new Sealy Posturpedic king size bed will be arriving at my door step!!

Last night we did the same thing with Si. After his first night waking he came to bed with me and Pete went out to the couch... Si woke up one more time last night but after a bottle went right back to sleep!! Can you believe it!?? I got 9 hours of sleep last night... Granted it was broken up a bit. But I can't remember the last time I got that much sleep! My only regret is that I am not breastfeeding and so I still have to get up to get a bottle... Doh!

Co-sleeping has become a bit of a controversy in our society today. But when research is done the pros far outweigh the cons. I know a few of the most popular reasons NOT to cosleep include: The baby never leaving your bed (how many college students do you know still sleep with their parents?), mom and dad are never alone anymore (um.... there are other rooms in the house with flat surfaces... 'nuff said) and the other big one is safety. The safety concern is pretty big with a lot of people. I know it always has been with me. But if you take the right precautions it has been proven that cosleeping has decreased the incidence of SIDS.

That being said. I was one of those people that said they would never cosleep... It just wasn't something that I wanted to do. Something that my family members convinced me was the dumbest thing on earth I could ever do! But now almost three years after having my first child I have come to realize that we all raise our children the best that we can. And we do it in the way that we deem right.

After going through months of no sleep with Josiah and tons of doctor's appts to figure out why he wasn't sleeping, it finally occured to me that maybe, just maybe, all Josiah needed was the security of knowing that I am still there. Every baby is different. Emma is very independent and this was never a need of hers. But Josiah is needy... and this is one of his biggest needs. So as a parent who loves my children more than anything in the world, it is my responsibility to meet the needs of my children. If that means going against the mainstream then that is what Pete and I plan to do.

After two nights of getting sleep all I can say is that I can't figure out why I didn't do this before!! We are hoping that after getting Josiah through his anxiety he will be able to go back to sleeping on his own. I have two months before Abby gets here to accomplish that. But in the meanwhile I need sleep!

Now we have the decision in front of us to decided to cosleep with Abby or not. We are kind of leaning towards doing it. It is so much easier! I plan on succeeding in breastfeeding this time. No more formula in this household... It is evil stuff I tell ya! And so cosleeping would make it much easier on us all.

But if the day comes that Abby is born and sleeping with us and Josiah still needs the security of mom and dad then we will welcome them both into our room, bed and hearts because that is the best and right thing to do with our children.