I'm in love with Dr. Brown!!!

Someone recommended Dr. Brown's bottles to me a couple of days ago due to Josiah's refusal to eat and the excessive gas.

Can I just say that the aforementioned Dr. Brown deserves a medal??? Josiah now takes three ounces at every feeding... Sleeps longer... Doesn't throw up and burps less!!! I am sooo happy that he is better!

The downfall?? The price!! Today while at Babies R' Us I was examining all the bottles... I decided on the skinny 4 ounce bottles... The price for ONE bottle was $4.99... Or I could get three for $12.99... I chose the set of three PRAYING that Josiah would actually like the bottle...

He did! And so tomorrow I plan on going back to the store and getting three more bottles... But I think that I will end up getting the 8 oz bottles because I don't want to invest in tons of 4 ozers only to have to back out and buy the bigger ones later on...

Thanks Dr. Brown!

Emma has taken to Josiah so well... Not a bit of jealousy... we are so thankful for that. She is constantly wanting to help... She will try to put his binky in his mouth when he is crying... She throws away dirty diapers for me... And she wants to help with everything else as well!

But tonight when I was in the kitchen cleaning out some bottles I hear this:

"Whhheeee!!"

I look in the living room and she is pushing the baby swing as far as it would go in both directions and poor Josiah was slumped all the way forward his little head bobbing...
I went CRAZY! I went in and told her NOOOOO you can hurt the baby that way... Of course she got very upset and proceeded to cry after I swatted her... (Yes... we spank our children... get over it!) But needless to say she hasn't done it again... Except later in the evening I caught her with a little makeup applicator for eyeshadow and she was trying to put that on Josiah as well...

Life will be interesting when they are finally able to play with each other!

Ah another cute thing.... She goes around and says in a sing songy voice...

" 'siah... 'siah... 'siah..."

That is what she calls him... Too cute!

Had to share this one!

How absolutely cute is my baby!??

Throw me a PARTY!!!!

Yeehaw!!

I just had to tell everyone that I fit into my prepregnancy jeans today! And I don't even mind telling everyone... they are a size 10!! I am sooo happy... It really bolstered my spirits to be able to do that! Not to mention. According to my scale I am back to prepregnancy weight... although I think it is a few pounds off according to the doctor's scale... So any weight that I lose now is BONUS!

Anyways.. enough boasting.

Josiah went in for his weight check today. He had gained 5 oz since last Friday. The doctor said that is completely acceptable. And being that he is my old boss he then proceeded to tell me to relax and stop being so uptight. He said to let Josiah eat when he wants and however much he wants. Stop looking at the marks on the bottles and stop worrying. So I guess that is what I am going to try to do.

Although I am thinking about trying out a different bottle to see if it helps any. I have been reading reviews on it tonight. They are pretty pricey. But compared to the Ventairs that we bought they are about the same. Maybe they will help with the gas and stuff... We shall see. Some of the reviews said it even allowed the babies to take more in one setting due to the reduction of air in their stomachs... Since I am currently using $1 dollar bottles maybe that is our problem! Too much air getting in there and so he isn't taking as much... I am desperate and will try pretty much anything. Although I am sure that Pete will grumble about the price I will remind him it is for a good cause! His son!!

1 down 6570 to go....

Days until Josiah turns 18.

I made it through my first night alone without Pete... With two kids to take care of!!

I am sooo glad it turned out well... I know it could have been worse... I also know that I will have worse days!! But Josiah was so good and Emma wasn't too, too bad... So it turned out better than I thought it was going to.

I had these horrible fears that I wouldn't be able to handle it... and that I wouldn't feel recovered enough to do it on my own... But I did... I took care of both of them... They both got fed and changed and loved on... I also folded some laundry, cleaned up the living room that was littered with toys and straightened up the kitchen a little...

I only hope that it goes this good for the rest of the week... Only because mommy seems to be coming down with a cold... the same one that wreaked havoc on the household the week before Josiah was born...

Pray that I don't get it as bad as Pete did!

The baby's rash is MUCH better... I think two days without all that excessive pooping really did the trick... I also have been vigilent about putting on the vaseline so I think that helped as well!
Also he is a bit of a tricky eater! He doesn't want to eat... So today I called the ped... I am going to be taking him in on Thursday for a weight check... He has done a bit better tonight... He took three ounces at 4:30... Better than his normal two ounces...

That is all I have time for tonight... Josiah is calling and thinks he is starving to death!!

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Something I learned this Christmas.... Bright red outfits against a dark background mixed with a flash don't always turn out so good! Mix in a toddler and a not so happy baby... sometimes disaster!

Oh well!! I thought everyone would enjoy a picture of the kids for Christmas anyways...

And this is what poor Josiah got for his first Christmas present... A bath!!

Hope everyone had a great Christmas... and had a wonderful time with family and friends!

*Update on the baby*

I keep forgetting to tell everyone... But Josiah ended up with a broken right clavicle from being stuck in the birth canal... It should heal and be better by his one month checkup... Nothing to worry about really... Although now... he has a lovely rash on his poor little bottom. It has become so red and raw that it is open and oozing... It's all the stinking pooping he does! One before and after every feeding... Poor little guy... We shall call the doc tomorrow for some advice... I have tried everything I know to take care of it and it just isn't working.

Josiah's Birth

On Sunday we ended up going back to the hospital at around 7ish... I was contracting every five minutes and the pain in my back was horrible... I thought that for sure this was finally it. So we trucked it back to the hospital.. this time with pillows and bags in hand.

When I got there I was not any more dilated... Disappointing... but they saw my contracting uterus on the monitor and decided it was worth a stay overnight... Pete and I walked the hallways for a little while and then got in the tub for a bit... At somewhere around ten or so they decided to give me some Nubain so I could get some sleep... Bad idea! The only thing that that accomplished was getting me into some kind of drunken state where I dreamed that I could fit two big marshmallows in a spice container... I heard our dog barking in the hospital and I asked Pete if he saw the fire too??

By Monday morning the contractions had spaced out so far that they decided I would probably go home... My midwife came in and gave me two options.... Strip my membranes and send me home... or don't strip my membranes and send me home... I figured well... stripping them didn't work with Emma... Oh well... So I said well go ahead and strip them and I will go home... After she did that painful act she proceeded to tell us that we could try other things to stimulate labor... A spicy meal.... Castor Oil.... Nipple Stimulation... Or Sex... I looked at her funny... Sex???
Yeah right!!

So we went on our way... stopped at the CVS for some Castor Oil and then went home to nap... Before hand we decided to try on of those "natural" inductions *wink*... After an hour nap I woke with the strongest contractions I had had yet... I was writhing in the bed... This was at about 11am... So after this went on for about two hours... I had tried a shower... eating... and walking around... nothing made them go away... my distraught husband (can't stand to see me in pain...) asked me to call...

We finally got to the hospital at about 2 or 3 that afternoon and the midwife checked me... She said Wow!! When you left this morning you were 2 cm... Now you are 3-4! And about two hours after that the nurse checked me again and I was 5 cm!! I was so excited now... I thought I am going to do this tonight!! But there was still this niggling thought in my brain that it would all stop and I would have to go home again...

At some point after finding out I was 5cm the nurse offered me the options of pain meds... I could have an injection (all of which make me act like a stark raving mad lunatic) or I could have an epidural... I just looked at her and said... but I am comfortable right now! I am dealing with each contraction as it comes and doing well! In fact I had been a high source of entertainment for the nurses thus far with my humor between the contractions...

As the night wore on it got closer to 9pm and my contractions had spaced out to about 10 minutes apart unless I stayed up and moving... So then the midwife came in and broke my water... Wow!! That sped things up like you wouldn't believe... After waiting about ten minutes the contractions came on quick and hard... I continued to manage well with the contractions... I used various positions... All fours.. standing leaning over the bed... The toilet... and leaning over the head of the bed with it all the way up in a 90 degree angle... The pain that I felt the most was at a point right about the center of my pubic bone... The pain was HORRIBLE... That was where I felt everything and it was very intense...

I am not sure of the time but probably close to 11:30 or so I started to go into transition... May I just say that is hell on earth with no meds??? I had waited too long... It appeared I had missed my window of opportunity for meds... I had managed so well so long that when I really needed the pain relief it was too late to get it... I struggled along... Screaming for meds... desperately trying to keep my bottom and legs relaxed and trying to find the strength to get through each contraction...

At around 11:45pm the midwife told me I had a small anterior lip on my cervix and that I could try to push around it... I tried a few times but it was half hearted and the pain continued to intensify at my pubic bone... at around 11:47 (or so I am told) I finally hit 10 cm and the midwife told me that the baby would be out in 1-3 contractions... I said good I can't take this much longer!! But the funny thing is that for that first contraction I refused to push cause I was too darn tired!! So for those last two contractions the urge to push totally overwhelmed me and I could not hold back... Strange moaning sounds emitted forth from my mouth and pushed like I had never pushed before... Strangely I never really felt that intense rectal pressure but the pubic pain worsened and I got the "ring of fire" that actually only lasted seconds...

A couple pushes later and his head was out... I could feel the relief and was waiting for that squishy feeling that you feel when the rest of the body comes out... But I didn't feel it... The midwife looked at me and said Bekah NOW would be a good time for a BIG push... I did so and nothing... Then she looked at the nurse and told her to call the other nurse and to push above my pubic bone... At this point... due to my experience as a nurse in labor and delivery I knew that the baby had shoulder dystocia... a condition where the second shoulder gets stuck above the pubic bone... after some weird manuevers with my legs and what Pete describes as "almost breaking the baby in half" he finally gave way... I still didn't know he was out though till a nurse said Bekah open your eyes you have a baby!! All this happened in a matter of 4 minutes... I pushed for about 4 minutes!!! Such a nice break after the two and half hours with Emma!

I looked down and saw him.. He was beautiful... I kept asking if he was a boy... They said yes... I noticed he wasn't really breathing but he eventually did... The midwife and nurses commented on how big he looked... But since I am used to a toddler he looked little to me!!

A few minutes later after Pete cut the cord and the baby had laid with me a little bit they took him to get weighed... They kept saying how big he looked and how he looked like a football player.... When they weighed him the nurse laughed and said Whoa!! He is 9lbs 12oz!! I was SHOCKED to say the least.. How could little ole me create an almost 10lb baby!!!

So his face was bruised a little but other then that he faired his difficult delivery well... Mom is fairing pretty well... A little sore and bruised herself but good none the less!!

I am very satisified with the way the delivery went... I loved the nurse I had at the time of delivery... She was awesome!!! She stayed in the room from the time they broke my water till the baby was born... She suggested all kinds of positions and really kept encouraging me and reminding me that it was almost over!! I loved her to death...and she is going to get a thank you card from us for sure!

I also wanted to add that even though we had that scare with the cyst in his brain Josiah came out perfectly healthy and formed... I thank God for that.

Also one other note about his name...

We chose the name Josiah before we ever found out if he was a boy or that there was a possible problem... Since then we found out that one of the meanings of Josiah is "Jehovah Heals" How true is it that his name fits the surroundings of his making and birth... We love Josiah and are very glad that God blessed us with his presence.

He's finally here!!!!

He is finally here!!! I thought it would never happen... But finally it did! After three trips to the hospital in two days we finally got to stay the last time and the end product was our baby!!

A couple of pics of our son!

Josiah Christian was born Monday December 19th at 11:51 pm... He was 9lbs 12 oz and 21.5 in long... I did natural with no meds... (Don't know what possessed me to do that!) and I didn't tear... a small miracle if you ask me...

So now I think I will go take care of the little one.. And since my rear end is killing me sitting in this chair I will come back later and write out all the gory details...

If you want to see a cute pick of Josiah with his sister go to www.setonhealth.org and click on New Arrivals... Go to Dec 19th and look under Josiah Christian...

More later!

Just thought I would update everyone...

I started to contract at 2:30am Sunday morning... They were about 15-20 minutes apart... I was able to get a little sleep for the next couple hours... But after a while they woke me again and steadily progressed to 5 minutes apart... At this point the pain in my back was unbearable so I called the midwife... She had me come in...

Once I got there the contractions had spaced out to 7 minutes apart but they checked me anyways... I was 2-3 cm dilated and 60-70% effaced... Progress!! So they suggested the jacuzzi... I was in there for a total of two hours... after which the nurse checked me again... No more dilation but up to as much as 80% effaced.... I got really discouraged... Especially since the contractions had gotten stronger and longer in the tub... She gave me the option to go home or stay... wherever I thought I might be more comfortable..

Since I don't want to be in the hospital for three days before Josiah comes I decided to come home... The nurse definitely thinks this is labor... She felt kinda 50/50 about me going home... But assured us that we probably won't make it to our appointment on this coming Thursday... She believes we will back tonight sometime...

I really hope she is right... We got home and I was able to get a little bit of a nap... After that I had a little bit of hysterical crying because I feel like such a failure.. Like my body just can't do this right... Then I sat and crocheted booties in between contractions... They come as close as 5 minutes apart but as far as ten... So I am still getting discouraged that this isn't it... The only thing that makes me think that it is, is that some of the contractions are PAINFUL and they last well over a minute....

Please pray this baby makes an appearance before tomorrow morning.... I don't think I can take days of this without any pain meds... My back feels like it is going to break in half...

If we have any news to report in the next couple of days we certainly will... I hope our wishes for our Christmas baby come true...

How do they seem to know??

Tonight while I was crying my eyes out, feeling like I truly can not take much more of this, Emma crawled up in my lap babbled some incoherent words and then hugged me...

Now we aren't talking some little hug that was over in 5 seconds! She stayed there for a long time... Occasionally patting me and saying mom-mom... Did she know that I really needed a hug at that point?? Are they really that perceptive???

I think I found yet another reason amongst the millions that I love my Emma.

In other news... Not to be disgusting... but I lost my mucus plug tonight... since then I have been having irregular painful contractions... we shall see... with Emma it was two weeks after the fact that she was born... Since nothing else has gone the same why would this?? Maybe we will have good news in the near future. I so wanted to have a little baby to hold for Christmas... I am afraid that isn't going to happen...

(Man I have been a blogging maniac this week! Must be that new cable internet!)

Look what I made!!

I am trying to keep myself busy and not think about myself NOT going into labor yet... So I am making booties... They are quick and easy... Not sure if I will use them... But when you are bored... You will do anything!!

Okay something really strange just happened...
We are in the middle of a big snow storm... I am sitting here at the desk and a HUGE thunder just sounded followed by another one... What is up with that?? Thunder and snow... that isn't supposed to go together!!

Well I am off to find some more things I can make with all this spare time I have on my hands... Someone remind me how I will be wishing for this time in a few weeks!

Such is my life!

Pete came home last night sicker than a dog... He has been fighting some kind of cold or virus for almost a week now... I guess last night was the last straw!

Due to his job... diesel mechanic.. he doesn't have a nice climate controlled place to work and so therefore has steadily gotten sicker with our subzero temps over the course of the week!

I said that to say this... Why????

Why would he get sick so close to D-day?? I don't want to leave my hubby behind while I run off to the hospital... especially since I don't want to be alone if Josiah does have problems... I am finding myself today hoping against hope the baby holds out now till Pete gets better... And also that Emma and I don't get sick... I am afraid that if Emma were to get this upper respiratory thing that it would send her into a bout of Croup... Please no! That was horrible last time! That is all I need! A baby in the hospital... a sick husband... and me in labor!

Pete just called me... It is official he has bronchitis... Doc sent him home with an antibiotic and a cough suppresent... Oh and the best part of all... He is contagious! Yippy skippy...

Nothing else to report on the baby front... Other than the usual contractions that kept waking me up last night... Come out Josiah... Come out... Anyone have any natural remedies for that?? Besides Castor Oil ( I am not fond of diarrhea!) or you know what (couldn't even if I wanted to!)????

Oh and I almost forgot.. sorry for that little blip with the template... I was trying things out yesterday and got interrupted! Everything is back to normal...

My somewhat good news...

I had an appointment today with my midwife...

Basically the same old stuff different day... Baby looks fine... I look fine... Well aside from the additional three pounds I have put on... Ugh!

So my good news... If for some reason I go past my due date she said that due to the situation with all my contractions and how uncomfortable I am she would induce me at 41 weeks not 42 which is the usual protocol...

Thanks... I guess....

Today I went out to try and walk this crazy baby out! Emma, Nana and I went to the mall and walked around for two hours... Then to Toy's R Us and then to Walmart... If I didn't succeed in putting myself into labor tonight I sure as hey made myself sore!!

Well it was worth the try I guess.

The Full Moon

I just found out that the next full moon is this Thursday the 15th...

Now while I have resigned myself that our little guy isn't going to come until January do you think that it really hurts to hope for labor to spark during the full moon???

Finally! Some Christmas pictures!

Ah... The long awaited tree pictures... Very nicely uploaded with our new cable internet... I must comment on how nice it is to be able to upload a picture in a matter of seconds... Sigh... I love my new internet...


Daddy laying in the snow cutting down the tree... At one point he yelled at me and Emma and told us it was coming our way... But I just laughed and said... Nope it is about to land on you!!
Me and Emma carrying the tree back to the trolley... Thank God you couldn't see how big I was in this picture!!
Here is Emma trying to put some decorations on the tree... It was so cute when she couldn't get them on... She would pout and then bring them to us...
Here is our finished product... Now there are presents under the tree... Amazingly enough Emma hasn't really bothered them yet! And we only have a week and half to go... so we will see!

So I just have to say... It is about time that our family got up with the times and got some highspeed internet! We ended up going with the cable... Steep prices... but nice when you spend most of your free time on the net!

Okay... so here is what I have decided... Josiah isn't coming until January... If he comes before then then I will be highly surprised and excited... But I am tired of getting my hopes up with every twinge.. So now... I am shooting to have the first New Year's Baby so I can be on TV and get free stuff!!! How fun would that be! Plus I am thinking maybe it would be better if he was born AFTER Christmas so his birthday won't be mixed in and forgotten about during the holidays...

This week is bad for us anyways... For the next few nights it is going to be in the single digits temperature wise... Tonight it will be ZERO... which for those of us out here away from the city means below zero...

37 weeks

I have officially made it to full term pregnancy...

So... because of this... and due to the fact that Emma was born at 37w5d I am becoming antsy to say the least...

I am extremely tired of being pregnant... I am tired of having contractions all the time... I am tired of Josiah grinding his head into my bones... I am tired of all of it... Oh yeah... I am also tired of the fact that I seem to not be able to empty my bladder anymore either... so I have that pain too!

But definitely most of all I am tired of the contractions... I have endured them longer this time... and I think I deserve a medal of some sort... whaddya think?? I am sick of having them strong hard and regular for two or three hours then mysteriously stop all together... It is getting to the point now where I would gladly welcome all the pitocin in the world to get them to stay around and do something...

Last night and this morning has been particularly hard... They have been stronger and more painful then they have ever been so far... I hope it is a sign.. cause if not I might just go crazy...

Anyways... on a lighter note... We will have cable internet as of tomorrow... We found out Friday that we can't have DSL here because we have old phone lines... Stinks! Cause now we got to pay for the dumb cable internet... which I might add isn't exactly cheap!! But I guess since we keep in contact this way we have no choice... Oh so to whom it may concern... we will be getting you all our new email address...

So in the next few days I should have those pics up of Emma and the Christmas tree... It will be nice to be able to do that in a matter of minutes!

Keep thinking baby thoughts!

Our last night out

Tonight was probably Pete and I's last night out for a long time... Come to think of it it was actually the first in a long time too!!

Anyways... We went to Garcia's for a late lunch... Both of us secretly hoping the mexican spices would send me into labor...

Then we went to see a late matinee... We chose Narnia... so I thought I would come on and tell everyone what I thought...

It was good... for a book made into a movie... but my opinion is that the symbolism that C.S Lewis was trying to get across was totally lost in the movie for the most part.

If I was an unbeliever I think that I would receive the message and understand what Lewis was trying to portray better through the book... I am not sure how an unbeliever would see the symbolism in the movie..

But all in it was a good way to spend a few hours... We will probably end up buying the movie...

No news yet on the other!

Tried and failed

Well I tried to upload some pictures again... but to no avail!!

Oh well...when we get cable internet here in a week or so I will be sure to get them up before Christmas... Come to think about it... It will be nicer to upload pictures of the new edition when he decides to show as well!!

Everyone think baby thoughts this weekend!!

What could this mean??

I woke this morning in extreme discomfort...

It would seem that the baby dropped sometime in the night... well that is the only thing that I can think anyways! And if that is the case I know exactly when it happened... 6am... I woke to a horrible pain and the sensation of him rolling his head around in my pelvis... it was terrible!! I had to get up to see if I could get him to move!

It now is very uncomfortable to sit for very long... I can no longer bend over... and if I move just right I get this shooting pain in my pubic bone and am rewarded with a miniature baby head twisiting around in my pelvis... Not to mention the constant urge to go to the bathroom... and not just pee...

Boy if I have to deal with this for the next three weeks I could become very cranky!!

Oh and also... tons of cramping today... Not necessarily contractions... although I still get those... but a crampy kind of period pain...

Oh well.. I have resigned myself to just assume he isn't coming till January... Hey.. New Year's baby would be nice... then we could be on tv and get free stuff!!

Christmas Pictures... and um... I guess some nesting...

Okay so I was going to post some pictures of Pete, myself and Emma hunting for Christmas trees and decorating it as well as the finished product... but either stupid blogger or my dumb connection won't let me do it!!!

Along the same lines though... I got some good news today... Our current internet provider is no longer going to provide dialup service... the bad part was that I was getting it for free... so now if we want internet we will have to pay someone! So... since it will cost us about $15 we are going to look into DSL... Highspeed dialup... The best part of all this is that it will no longer take FOREVER to upload pictures... pages... and email and stuff... I am actually kinda excited about it... even if we will have to put out some money...


Okay so on with the nesting part of my topic... Today I was sitting thinking about how much I wanted to clean... um... not like me at all.. I usually do it because it has to be done... not because I have any desire to do so..

This is what I got done....

• I made two loaves of pumpkin bread
• Six pounds of fudge
• Cleaned and vacuumed Emma's room
• Cleaned... top to bottom... the works... Emma's bathroom.
• Cleaned the living room... straightened everything up and vacuumed
• Cleaned the kitchen... we are talking dishes... counters... table... Disinfected every flat surface I could find... cleaned the stove... Put away a bunch of dishes and things we aren't using right now... then swept and mopped the floor.
• Three loads of laundry... which I am going to go fold after this....

So the only thing left that I want to do is...

• Clean our bedroom... top to bottom...
• Clean our bathrrom... top to bottom...
• Change our sheets... ( I want to have clean pillow cases on the pillows I take to the hospital!
• Pack my bag...

I am kinda hoping to get it done tonight... but I am not sure how that is going to go since it is ten after 8... Although if I have enough gumption I could always stay up till midnight to finish it...

So that is the news on this end... and trust me everyone... if there was a baby... you would know about it!!!

Edited to add.... Um... 9:45pm... finished the list... boy am I pooped... I just pray Emma sleeps tonight so I can get some rest...

Just another day in paradise

Well I made it another day... Although I know everyone thinks I am actually in the hospital right now... Such is not the case.

I stopped contracting... UGH!! As annoying as it was I would have liked it to continue so that maybe this crazy baby would come out!

I did have a bout of contractions this afternoon. But they amounted to nothing... I am currently contracting again as of about an hour ago... We shall see..

My mom says he has to be born tomorrow... it is her birthday! Happy Birthday Mom...but I don't think you will be getting your birthday wish... sorry!

Today a lady from church... a friend... came at around 7am to watch Emma while hubby and I got some much needed rest. She then stayed all day and let me take a nap... Heavenly!!

As I was laying in my bed this afternoon this thought came to me... This is probably the first time ever in all of Emma's life that I have been given a break... at my house... where I can enjoy my bed! Sure she has been to grandma's a couple of times and Pete and I have been on dates... but how nice was it to be able to have someone come and watch Emma without any of us having to leave?

I need to get this off my chest as well... So that hopefully when I get baby fever in a year I can come back and read it... I hate being pregnant... To me it is a means to an end... Pregnancy and Bekah DO NOT get along... My back problem is ten times worse during pregnancy... my uterus thinks she is too good to carry human life... and my head is convinced it is okay to continue to create massive migraines in the face of no medication...
I am sooooo discouraged right now... I could punch things.. but what would that solve... all I want to do is curl up and cry my eyes out... Even though I know that they is a light at the end of the tunnel I am failing to see it... I bite everyone's head off... I basically feel VERY depressed and I am just plain sick of people asking me how I feel... How do you think I feel people??? Don't you have something better to ask me!?? The one thing that keeps me going are the few people that continually encourage me and gently remind me that I can do this and it is almost over... I just keep thinking about the baby... the reward... although in this case I am afraid to get my hopes up... When we were told in August that Josiah had a cyst on his brain I have been worried about it since... I do have some peace that he will be okay... but there is this other part of me that is getting very scared as we get closer to due date... The cyst can indicate Trysomy 18... A deadly defect... most babies die within hours of birth... The neonatologist doesn't seem worried... although it is his job to give all the gory details and possibilities... My midwife doesn't seem worried although it is her job to not say one way or the other!! I can only hope that a few months from now I will look into the smiling face of my son and realize that he made it! That God created him just they He wanted him to be...

Oh I almost forgot... to top off all this nastiness with myself Emma seems to be coming down with a cold... Fun!!!

I am with Jamie on this one... Come to the light Josiah... the bright light!!

The verdict

Well after a bad weekend of contractions and two nights of no sleep I decided to give in and call the midwife. I started contracting Saturday night and by Sunday morning they were ten minutes apart. All day long this went on. Then last night at about 1 am they started to get closer together... until they ended up being 4 minutes apart and very painful... I tried all kinds of positions... Nothing worked... they finally spaced out enough that I ended up with about 3-4 hours of sleep.

So I had to go in to get checked today according to the midwife. When I got there I was in a definite contraction pattern that was noted on my chart... The nurse checked me...

Here is the results...




I am 1 (count it people) 1 cm dilated... disturbing considering the amount of pain I was in... the good news is that I am 50% effaced which means my cervix is halfway thinned out... Good thing considering a week ago I wasn't effaced at all..


So after a bawl fest in which I smeared all my makeup and made myself look like the the swamp thing I bucked up and decided not to concentrate on the one centimeter but on the 50% effacement and the fact that the nurse said I could very well be in pre labor that could take a few days to become active...

So anywho.... everyone root for Wednesday... it is my mom's birthday and she thinks Josiah should share it as well!

Pray for some shut eye for me as well... I could use it.

Someone please just shoot me....

Allright... I know what you guys are all thinking... Great... more boring reading about poor little old Bekah's contractions... Click... Think I will move on now...

But seriously now... I need someone to vent too!

I am trying soooo hard to stay positive right now... but with every day that goes by and I still don't have anything to show for all these stinkin' contractions I just want to... well I don't really know what I want to do...

Last night was horrible... everytime I woke up I was in the middle of a really bad contraction... so therefore I would have no control and couldn't relax... Then here is the worse part... This morning Pete and I were up at about 8. I started to get the contractions about 3-6 minutes apart... So painful that I would have to literally stop whatever I was doing and concentrate on relaxing and breathing. And if anyone tried to talk to me I wouldn't answer... The went on like this for about two hours... Getting worse with every one... I was SURE this was going to be the day... I even called my mom (wait... that is what made it stop!) Then at about 10... NOTHING...

Why??? I just don't understand why I have to go through this... it just isn't fair... everyone else I know that has babies... just has them... No big deal. Why can't I be this way?? I just sit and cry when I think about it... And what makes it so bad this time is that if he isn't born earlier than Emma then I will have gone through it much longer and be all the more tired at the end. Like I am down before I even start.

I starting to really believe that I am going to go all the way to my due date. I know I shouldn't complain as I am not really even close to my due date... Four weeks... but I just can't take much more of this... I am becoming sleep deprived... my attitude stinks... and I just don't want to be around anyone anymore...

They say that no two pregnancies or labors are alike... I can deal with that... But it is becoming very hard to not say.. hey... at this point with Emma I was almost done ( I didn't know it! but I was!) Because who is to say that he won't decided to show up 4 weeks from now?? On Monday I will be 36 weeks... And within a week and a few days of when Emma showed up... Do you think that the old wives tale that the second baby comes sooner is true?? Cause I am beginning to think NOT...


My only hope now is that those HORRIBLE contractions from this morning will grace us with their presence later on today and stay... wouldn't it be just convenient too with it being the weekend and all???

Guess I should update

I guess I forget that being pregnant and close to my due date will cause people to wonder if I don't blog on a regular basis!

Sorry everyone!

Well the contractions continue... Pete and I thought that it might be labor on Monday when I contracted most of the evening. They were painful, 6-8 minutes apart and 45-60 seconds long... Techinically the time that you would THINK you were in labor... But did they continue??? NOPE!

Then on Tuesday and Wednesday I had them on and off for most the day and night. But nothing to write home to mom about so... I just shrugged them off and figured that my lovely body (who hates being pregnant) is just playing tricks on me as usual....

But then last night it started again... In the middle of the night... Ugh... Why is it always in the middle of the night. And to top it off this time, I can't stop peeing... What is that?? Like every ten to fifteen minutes I am in the bathroom... Also this immense pressure on my pelvis... I am beginning to wonder if I have a bladder infection. Hm...

It will do me no good to sit here and analyze everything and wonder if I will ever go into REAL labor... So here I sit. Looking at my daily blog rounds. Checking email... and waiting for Christmas... seriously believeing this little monkey isn't going to grace mommy and daddy with a tax deduction for 2005....

Oh... and soon... I hope... I have some pics of Emma that I need to share. They are from our trip to the tree farm this past Saturday and then helping decorate the tree... Very cute!

Everyone thing labor thoughts please!