A quick update

On this past Thursday I went into labor at about 3 pm. I labored for a few hours before I called the doulas and my mom and the babysitter. By 11pm my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart so we packed up and went to the hospital. I was 6cm so being that this is my third baby they rushed around to get everything ready because they were sure I was going to have the baby very shortly.

Then... things started to slow down. By the early morning my contractions had spaced way out and things started to stop. By breakfast my contractions were nearly non-existant and when the midwife checked me my cervix had closed back up to 2-3 cm.

I was devestated. This is just about my worst fear. That I will go into labor and things will stop and they will send me home (all based of course on the crappy start and stop labors I had with my other two). So they spent the day trying to get my labor going again. First we tried stripping my membranes, enemas and nipple stimulation. They started the contractions back up but not too close. By midmorning the midwife asked me if I wanted to try pitocin. I didn't really want to but chose to go ahead and try that. I had pitocin for 6 hours. Painful, strong contractions and I tried to stay positive. At 5 the midwife checked me... My cervix had done nothing... So we went home. No Abby.

So here I am again... At home with no baby. I am pretty down and just trying to stay positive but it is really hard!

As soon as I have good news I will definitely update everyone!

37 weeks and 4 days

That is what I am today.... Emma was born at 37w 5d and Josiah was born at 37w 6d. And I am 100% sure that isn't going to happen with this little one.

I have an appointment with my midwife today. I plan on BEGGING her to strip my membranes today. I can't take the contractions anymore. They hurt, they are annoying and I am sick of wondering if every single contraction is the start of the real thing. I have been trying some other "natural" induction type things this week... NOT WORKING!

I guess it's just as well that Abby has waited this long. One of my doula's was out of town for the last 5 days. I am glad that she will be here now when I finally do go into labor. She will be back in town sometime this evening.

Although a tax deduction would be nice.. I really don't care about it at all as much as I care about not going further with this pregnancy than I have before... It is really hard on me right now to think that I may go past 38 weeks when I have never even made it 38 weeks.

Hopefully I will have some kind of good news soon!

Merry Christmas!

The conversation over breakfast this morning between Pete and I pertained to our poor neglected fish. They rarely get fed (maybe 3 times a week?)... we forget! So Pete looked at the little tank and said "Do you think the fish at least deserve to eat on Christmas??"

So Merry Christmas everyone!!! (And feed your fish!)

I am still here...

It's been awhile and I am sorry. But I have spent the better part of the last week just feeling sorry for myself. I am tired, cranky, huge, worn out, sick of pregnancy... did I mention cranky???

I made it to 36 weeks on Sunday. Exactly one more week than that crazy midwife said I would make it?? And wouldn't you know I was a bit peeved at the fact?? I mean seriously if someone tells you that there is a chance that you might not have to pregnant much longer wouldn't you be a bit excited about it? I mean, yes, the longer the baby is in the better but... I am really tired of it all! I get so tired out just doing the littlest things. It is so annoying! I tire out and get totally out of breath just showering and getting dressed. Getting the kids ready to go out the door somewhere??? Someone call crane!

At any rate... Yesterday was Josiah's birthday! He is one! Yeah!!! We made it a year with our little boy. And it certainly doesn't feel like a year. I plan on doing an entry with some really cute pics of our boy but I am trying to think of what I want to write!

Everyone wanted me to have the baby yesterday so that they could share a birthday... Thank God that didn't happen! Now everyone is rooting for Christmas day. And that would be fine except that my doula is out of town from this coming Saturday till next Thursday... And since I am paying the lady good money I would kind of like her to be there!

So here is my plan. Keep my legs crossed till next Thursday at which time I will have another appointment with my midwife. Then I will ask her...no... BEG her to strip my membranes (I will be 37w4d(Go ahead flame me I don't care... both of my other kids were born at that time!)). Then I will come home utilize my dear dear hubby... and hopefully by midnight be in labor! At which point my doual will be home and everything will work out because how awesome would it be to have Pete have the weekend (three days I might add!) off when the baby is born... But of course since we all know that is way to convienent I am sure it won't work....

Oh and did I mention that just about everyday I have contractions.... timeable... for hours at a time... that get pretty painful?? Just not fair I tell ya... it's a tease... a tease that makes it even harder than it already is to still be pregnant... Come out already Abby! The outside is better! Really!

The end is just in sight!

Yesterday I hit the 35 week mark.... so much for that midwife that thought I wouldn't make it till then! While it is still kind of early to have the baby I won't have to go to the hospital where there is a NICU. I still have contractions that are timeable. Some are uncomfortable. But looking back to my pregnancy with Josiah I don't think they are as bad. I do know that by this time with Josiah I was being kept awake at night from the contractions.... So far that hasn't happened. (Knock on wood!)

Now if I can just get past the last few weeks! Emma and Josiah were born just a couple days short of 38 weeks. Um that's 2 1/2 weeks from now! I am 100% sure I am NOT ready for a new baby. That is what is torturing me! I want so badly to be done being pregnant. I am tired of being uncomfortable. Tired of the horrendous heartburn (the worst I have ever had it.) Tired of the constant trips to the bathroom. Just tired of sharing my body with the baby! But when I think of the alternative... baby on the outside making it three kiddos to take care of.... I am scared... crapless!

I do know that it wouldn't be so bad and I wouldn't be dreading it or fearing it if Josiah were older. I wasn't worried at all about taking care of he and Emma when I was getting close to the end. I just figured that Emma would be my little helper. And she was! But Josiah??? That is a totally different story! He is a mama's boy through and through. And while I think it is so sweet how much he needs me and clings to me it is upsetting me to think about how it will be when he realizes there is another baby taking his mommy's attention. If I dwell on it long enough I cry!

Then of course there is the sleeping situation that is still unpredictable at best! Last week he slept in his playpen all night 5 out of 7 nights. And while he still whimpers in the night and we still have to get up and give him his binky we don't have to always pick him up and be up with him for hours on end anymore. He was sleeping with us just fine at first but started to get really restless and wouldn't sleep! He wanted to play! So sleeping with us is now just reserved for the nights when we can't console him no matter what we do. This is a vast improvment to what we were dealing with two months ago. But I still worry about how it is all going to work when the baby comes. We don't want to put Josiah back in his crib in the kids room yet until he can sleep without crying out.... That just opens a whole other can of worms called Emma! So he will be in our room for a while after the baby is born. I can just see it now! Baby cries... Josiah cries.

At any rate... I am still excited about meeting Abby and seeing what color hair she has and who she looks like. I am really interested in seeing what her size is in comparison to Josiah. (Um... still a little scared of labor... memory too fresh in my mind!) I can't wait to give nursing another try... and this time do it! I am anticipating having a little baby to hold and cuddle. Oh and I am REALLY excited to put all the little cloth diapers on her! So I am still normal but I have fears!

So as it stands today I am 35w 1d. If Abby graces us with her presence when Emma and Josiah did that is just 2 weeks and 3-4 days from now... Yikes!! I better get the rest of my preparation done! Because if the next 2-3 weeks go by as fast as the last few have then I will be posting pics of Abby in no time!

Still hanging in there

I am still around.... but boy am I getting tired of all this!

In lieu of complaining about contractions and such I decided I would talk about what I am getting done! I am supposed to be taking it easy. But I figured that on the off chance Abby makes an early appearance maybe I should get some stuff done!

Yesterday I managed to clean our bedroom! You can see the floor now! And then I emptied my small dresser so that I could put Abby's things in it. Now I am down a dresser. But it was easier than going out and buying one! I did a bunch of laundry... but you couldn't tell by looking at the pile that still has to be done! While cleaning up and sorting baby clothes I found a bag full of white flannel fitteds... size small... leftover from Emma that never got used with Si because I couldn't find them... I was so happy! Now I don't feel pressured to sew a bunch more size smalls. I can just concentrate on getting things ready to go for the baby. Especially since I have put it off for so long!

On Monday and Tuesday I ended up sewing two diaper bags. And as soon as I can get our dumb digital camera to work I will put up pics... One is all pink... Pete hates it! The other one is a blue corduroy with purple and green flowers with a green inside. He says he can tolerate that one! So now I can pack Abby's bag and then I suppose I should think about getting mine packed. Although like I said before I never use what I pack!

Now I just have three diapers sitting unfinished. A pair of wool pants unfinished and a soaker unfinished. If I can finish that in the next two-three weeks I will be ready by Christmas... That's my goal! Although talking to some people they all think I will never make it till Christmas. I on other hand the pessimist in the family thinks is will be January. I would not want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed on New's Years Eve!!

So I guess instead of sitting here on the computer maybe I will get up and do some work! I only have three more days to get through and I will be 35 weeks.... And past the point of no return!

It's not time yet!

So yesterday I was noticing a lot of mucus... um down there... I started paying better attention and realized that I was losing chunks of it when I went to the bathroom. And to top all that off I had a good 3-4 hours yesterday of contractions that were 4 minutes apart.

Now I know I have had this problem in the past... but I never lost my mucus plug this early... And so now I am beginning to wonder if I should really take it easy. If I can get to this Sunday it would be so much better. The baby wouldn't be at a high risk of problems. And then I would be able to go to my hospital with my midwife and not the big city hospital with the NICU.

I am having a lot of feelings towards all this. There is a small part of me that kind of wishes she would come early because frankly I am tired of being pregnant. While this pregnancy hasn't been that bad physically, it has been a hard pregnancy emotionally and I am ready to be done. I also have fears that if she is born early there will be problems, she won't make it or it will compromise my one last chance to breastfeed. Ideally I would like to see her stay in there for at least for 2 1/2 more weeks. That would put me at 37 weeks. And then a lot of my fears would subside. But still.... I feel guilty about that one small part of me that wishes she would just go ahead and come if that is what is going on so I can be done with it all...

At any rate. I am wishing for one of two things right now. Either the contractions and other weird signs of labor go away until they are necessary. OR. I just go ahead and go into labor so I can get it all over with...

Don't know which one I want more. But I sure would like one or the other... Not both!

Just keeping my fingers crossed that I at least stay pregnant till Sunday 12 AM.

(Oh and another couple weeks to get Josiah sleeping better would be nice too!)

I didn't sign up for this!

Last night we were woken by a sick two year old.... um... we are talking stomach bug sick. You know... the gross kind! So all night she was up sick. Her loving father stayed up with her and the bucket while I stayed in the other room to take care of the other one who was up (although he wasn't sick!)

Emma was fine this morning and acted like she was never sick! Fast forward to this afternoon. Pete is sick now... couple hours later... me too!! Sigh... we are just waiting for the last one to fall now... Josiah. So far he shows no signs of being sick. But I fully expect to be up all night with him.

So on to the part that I didn't sign up for... I think it is kind of funny how we decide we want kids! But we never give thought to all the bodily fluids that comes along with parenthood! This has been my worse fear... Sick... everywhere... by someone other than me. Yuck! Now even though it wasn't all that bad it was made worse by the fact that Pete and I are sick as well! It just isn't fair for the whole family to be sick at the same time. Especially mom who still has to take care of the kids, house and food detail (which, I might add, sucks when you are sick!)

Here's to hoping we get through tonight in one piece and get a clean slate by Monday.

My only consolation?? At least we all got sick BEFORE Abby was born!

False alarms

After experiencing contractions all yesterday afternoon and evening and then all night I decided I would call the midwives' office this morning. At one point yesterday the contractions had gotten 4-5 minutes apart. I had so hoped that I wouldn't have to deal with this this time!

I spoke with one of the midwives on the phone and she mentioned that the other midwife had told her this is normal for me. I said yes it is but since I had been thouroughly freaked out by the other midwife I was upset this might be true preterm labor this time. She had me come into the office.

I sat there for an hour. Continuing to get contractions the whole time and was finally called back an hour later (they had just sqeezed me in). I got back to a room and the nurse said I would see Michelle (my regular midwife who I haven't seen in over a month) or Pam (the one I talked to on the phone and have never met before). Turns out I see Pam, who is a very nice lady and I wouldn't mind seeing her again. She checked me right away.

She told me that I was not 80% effaced but that I might be about 50% effaced and maybe 1 cm dialated. She said it is quite possible I may have been 80% effaced yesterday but if Abby had changed positions that would cause the effacement to change as well. But she also said it feels like the typical cervix of a woman who has already had two babies. I thanked her for reassuring me and told her that I had just gotten so nervous when one of the other midwives had said yesterday that she hoped to get another two weeks out of me.

Pam laughed and said "Oh we will definitely get two more weeks out of you... most likely 4. You will probably make it to the point you did with the other two."

So although I am still having contractions I am really glad that I got a second opinion so to speak. Now I can breath a bit easier and not overanalyze every twinge. I think I will go back to being oblivious to the contractions and pretend they aren't there till I can't pretend anymore! Besides I really only have 1 week and two more days to worry about preterm labor and then she can come whenever she wants to!

But please.... I still need to finish the diapers, nursing pads, mama pads and other preparations first!

Not what I was expecting

I had an appointment today with my midwife. I am currently 33 weeks and 3 days.

Last night I started to have contractions. They were uncomfortable and had been waking me up a few times last night. Then this morning when mom and I were at Walmart I had a couple really strong and painful ones. So when I got in to see her I told her what was going on. She asked me how far apart they were. I told her I wasn't keeping track because I just figured it would all go down the way it did with the first two! And I really don't want to be analyzing every ache and pain between now and delivery.

Anywho... she asked me if she could check me. I got on the table and she did her thing. She looked at me and said "Well you are a fingertip dialated which is no big deal, BUT you are 80% effaced, your cervix is almost completely thinned out."

Grrreeeaaat..... Just what I wanted to hear. So she told me no sex, take it easy, drink tons and keep track of how close they are. On my way out the door she also said and I quote, " I would really like to get at least 2 more weeks out of you."

I feel like if she wasn't that worried about it or concerned that she wouldn't have said that last thing. Oh and she also wants me to come in next week instead of two weeks because she wants to keep an eye on me.

Now I don't know if I am worried about it or not. I don't want to be... but then another part of me thinks I should be worried! At any rate. She doesn't think I will make it too much longer. I guess maybe we will be looking at another Christmas baby this year.... (watch me go two weeks late!). But she can't come on Si's birthday! I want them to have separate b-days!

Don't worry... I will keep everyone posted!

Parenthood Embarassment

We were at church on Sunday and one of the ladies that work in the nursery saw Emma and said "Hey Peanut!"

This is the conversation that ensued.

"I NOT peanut!! I Emma!! Siah has a peanut on his bummy!"

(I sink into the floor!)

Kind lady laughs and said "Oh okay! I won't call you that anymore!"

Emma responds, "It looks like a worm!"

(Further.... I sink even further into the floor!)

Kind lady said "Well I think this is where I leave!"

A nice talk with Emma was held later on the common courtesies of public behavior. One being that we do not talk about our brother's peanut with the people at church! And um the worm?? I have NO idea where that came from!

I caught the bug

It would seem that I may have finally caught the bug... You know... the nesting bug.

Today I looked around my house and thought... ICK! I need to get on top of cleaning. And I want it all to be clean by the time I am 35 weeks. Just in case. So that gives me less than 2 weeks! As I looked around I made a mental list of what I could do besides the obvious. A thought crossed my mind. I thought to myself "Self... I think you should clean out all of the cabinets, disinfect them and rearrange them." So for any of you that know me personally you know this is NOT like me!

So on my list of things to do tomorrow. Clean the kitchen top to bottom. (Maybe rearrange the cabinets) And I would like to maybe mop the floor... but that might be pushing it! It kills my back to do that!

There has been something bothering me lately too.... I haven't really had any desire to get things ready for Abby yet. Now I don't know if that is because I don't feel like it or what. But I am seriously behind in preparation for her. I have washed some of her clothes. But they are not put away. I need to finish her diapers and then wash all of those. I am finally starting to have a desire to maybe empty out my extra dresser and fill it with nice clean baby clothes. So I think I will make that my goal for the week. We think we may need to buy another infant car seat too... So after I do all that I think we might be somewhat ready for her.

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I am 33 weeks now. I can't believe how fast this has gone! Yet even though it felt speedy it feels like these last weeks are going to go forever ( I know that isn't true! ) So I am trying to just get from one week to the next instead of looking at the big picture... It's too discouraging! I sure can't wait to sleep at night without having to answer to nature every 45 minutes! And it sure will be nice to be able to move without feeling like my pelvis is going to tear apart!

Wednesday I am having another ultrasound. This one is to check position of the baby. Since she is breech they want to have a look see and see where she is at this week. I am praying she isn't breech anymore. But I suspect that she moves a lot and I am pretty sure she switches positions often. So even if her head is down on Wednesday that doesn't mean it will be next week! Oh I plan on asking for a reassuring look at her girly bits to make sure I didn't make a bunch of pink diapers for nothing!

I plan on asking the midwife if I can deliver her breech if she stays that way. I really don't want to have a c-section. Surgery scares the poo out of me!

I will update everyone with her position of choice after my appointment on Wednesday!

I just can't help it

But I am already starting to count down the weeks and days till the arrival of Abby. But instead of counting down to my due date I am counting down to week 37 and day 5. Why you ask? Well that was the day of gestation that Emma made it to before coming into this world. And then my next day to look forward to is 37w6d. This was Josiah's gestational age before making it to our little home.

So I can't help but want to hope against hope that Abby will follow suit with her brother and sister and come early. I am not sure I could make it for a whole 40 weeks. Of course I would if I had too. But I don't want to!

Today I am 32w1d. I had uncomfortable contractions all day yesterday. A few times yesterday they were only 2-3 minutes apart. Then they would go away for a couple hours and come back again. The baby is also to the point where due to her size some of the movements she makes hurts! My belly feels bruised in a lot of places. I don't even like Pete touching my stomach. And I go through the roof when one of the kids pushes on me... It is just so sore!

I am trying to stay busy. But I have no motivation. The more I move the more contractions I have and while they don't always hurt they are VERY annoying. I haven't even starting sewing my size small stash. I still owe people diapers online. Unfortunately some of the diapers are for mom's who have already had their babies! And the ones I do have done are sitting on the counter waiting for the post office. But I just don't have the energy to pack up two kids and go mail them off....

I still have a pair of knit longies that are missing a leg. I started crocheting a soaker but don't feel like working on it. I tried to start knitting some booties yesterday. Who knows if I will finish them. I know I have to at least finish the diapers otherwise we will have a nakey butt in the house! I also am awaiting the pattern I ordered from a coop for the diaper bag I want to make. So I will need to do that as well when I finally get the pattern. But I also have to get fabric for that!

And where am I today? Sitting on the couch with the laptop and listening to Nathan Lane sing a song on Sesame Street. Tell me why Nathan Lane is on Sesame Street?

What do I need to get done today? Um the tons of laundry that has been laying around. Dishes. General cleaning. I have to get the grocery list together for our trip to the store later today. And sometime in the next few hours I probably should try to find my way to the shower. But do I want to do any of this? NOOOOO.

Here's to hoping that I only have 5w and 4 days left. Although when put that way I had better get my butt moving on all these stinking projects!

Need to finish (for the baby):
-Small diapers
-Knit the leg on the longies
-Finish the soaker
-Finish the booties
-Find a home for Abby's clothing
-Sew and then pack the diaper bag (we will be using cloth in the hospital, need to make a plan as to how many to bring and how to transport it.)
-Find a safe place for Abby to sleep when she isn't in our bed.

Need to do for me:
-Sew some mama pads so I don't have to use the "other" kind
-Sew some nursing pads. (someone is sending me 12. So I think maybe 12 more)
-Pack my bag... (do I really need one? I never use the stuff I pack! Maybe a Walmart bag with a pair of pants and shirt in it would be enough...)

Need to finish for Christmas:
-Make fudge
-Make cookies
-Make mini breads
-Find tins to put all baked goods in for gifts
-Wrap the kids presents (although when and where I will do this is a mystery!)
-Figure out what to do for Pete for Christmas

Need to do this week:
-Finish the laundry
-Bake 3 pies
-Make a bread bowl for dipping bread
-Make fudge (still debating that one)
-Find cute outfits for the kids for Thursday
-um.... cute outfit for mom... yeah right.... nothing fits
-Charge up the camera and video camera... this is Si's first Thanksgiving

Misc:
-Sew two "shower" diapers.
-Sew a swap diaper by the 30th
-Sew a diaper that I am giving to a mama who has sent me a ring sling (Um this needs to be done yesterday!)

Oh man.... I think I just depressed myself even more! I am never going to get all this done!!

An accomplishment!

Josiah spends the first part of his night in his playpen. Then after he wakes in the night he comes to bed with us. This allows us to be alone for a little bit and I can sleep without baby feet in my back!

Well for the past two nights he has gone 7 hours in his playpen and then 8 hours last night. I was soooo happy! He still gets a bottle when he gets up because frankly I would rather just give him the bottle and be able to go back to sleep than to stay up half the night. But we have started to water the formula down. We are hoping that if we do that and end up eventually giving him just water then he will finally decide it isn't worth waking up for!

My new goal is that hopefully Josiah will at least be in his playpen all night by the time Abby comes. If I am lucky maybe we will have been able to transition him back into his crib as well. I am starting to see a light at the end of this dark tunnel. The prospect of getting more sleep has renewed my energy and willingness to have this new baby! Not having to worry about how I will take care of them both is making it much easier on me as well!

Here's to hoping Josiah gets the hang of this sleep thing by Christmas!!

Ahh... the cuteness!

The cuteness! It's everywhere in our house!! I had to share a couple pictures since I haven't in so long!

Here is Josiah and Emma on a Sunday morning. Josiah had been sitting nicely in the chair and we got a few of him alone. Then we put Emma over there to get one of the both of them.


And here is Josiah. He was playing in my room next to our closet door. I was watching him and thought it would make the cutest picture! This was the best one out of about 10.


I can't believe that he is going to be 11 months old on Sunday! That is just crazy! It seems like just a few weeks ago. It feels like it was just Christmas, yesterday! I know that is probably because the holidays are here again. But with the closing of Josiah's first year we will be welcoming the opening Abby's first year. An ending and a beginning.

The cuteness abounds! And it's going to get even cuter when Abby comes!

Little Buddha Baby

That is how Abby was sitting today in my belly. Legs crossed indian style with her butt down and her little head up....

Um... So that sucks! I have been suspecting that she was breech for a little while because of where I have been feeling all the movement. I was a little bit bummed when the midwife told me she was head up. I said so! But the midwife assured me that she will probably turn 100 more times before it really matters. I am kind of skeptical. But I really hope she is right.

I would hate to have a c-section. Especially since I have already had two normal deliveries! Also another thing that scares me is that external version they do where they drug you up and attempt to turn the baby from the outside. I think it is as painful as it sounds!!

Other than that the midwife I saw today was not my regular one as she was on vacation. But this midwife told me that she is very sure this baby will not be as big as Josiah.... THANK GOD! That means she should fly out of there with little effort! That is what I am hoping for. I needed to hear that though because I have been worried about another shoulder dystocia. That scares me more than labor itself!

I think I gained one pound. But the midwife said my weight gain was fine. So I am going to continue not to worry about it.

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So I am done sewing my newborn diapers. I am going to take a pic of all of them laid out so I can see how big my "stash" is. Now I just need to get a bee in my bonnet to start sewing the 36 size smalls I need. (Heave a big sigh) I am just so tired and uncomfortable now. I bet the discomfort is because her hard head is in my ribs!

I am currently working on a knit pair of longies and a crochet pair. I better hurry up and finish those! I was hoping that maybe I could have one of them done so she could wear them home from the hospital. But at the rate I am going I doubt that will happen!

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The contractions started full force! Not near as painful as they were with Josiah at this point. I am just choosing to ignore them this time though. I really don't want to make a million trips to L+D only to be told, for the hundredth time, that this is normal for me and nothing is happening. At least I have one thing going for me... Having gone through all of Josiah's labor and delivery completely drug free I now really and truly know what labor feels like. So I am sure that I won't have a problem recognizing it.

We have two doulas that will be coming with us to the hospital. They will come to my house at first and then leave to go with us when we are ready to go. I am glad though because I am hoping they will encourage me to stay home longer this time rather than rush to the hospital. I am hoping to make it to the hospital and only have a couple hours to be there before she makes her appearance. It seems like the last two times when I went to the hospital as soon as I got there things stall out. So I want to make sure I am far enough along that there ain't no turning back!

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I am so sorry about the lack of posts! I am sure I have lost readers because of it! But I plan on keeping up a bit better in the future!

Right on cue

I am 30 weeks today. Eight weeks left to go if I go as early as I did with Emma and Si. Ten weeks left to go if I go to my due date.

So what's so special about today? A whole lot of nothing. Except for one thing. Over the weekend those lovely things called contractions started up. Why oh why can't I just have a normal pregnancy??? I had started to think I was going to get by this time with nothing but plain old Braxton Hicks... Nope. Not me. Not ever.

They started on Saturday and I thought maybe it was just cause I had overdone it. But it continued yestrday and that was after almost 2 liters of water. So I guess it is safe to assume that my old friend is back. The only problem I forsee is if they keep me up at night then not only will I have that to contend with that but I will have to still deal with Si and the incessant peeing!

I will just keep my eye on the prize. I refuse to let it get me into the state I was in with Josiah. I know what I get from the pain. Beautiful children! Children, who aside from all their shortcomings, still brighten my day and give me a great reason to wake up in the morning. It brings that newborn baby. The smell of a little head that is cuddled up against your chest. The unconditional love that consumes you from the very center of your soul.

So am I annoyed with the fact that I am going to have the same problem as usual? Heck yah I am!!! But Abby is at the end of the journey and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I can do this again. Because I have to, because I have in the past and because I love my children.

If ya can't beat 'em.... Join 'em!

Josiah's neverending sleeping problem has progressively gotten worse over the last month. What started out as one night waking turned into three or more and sometimes those lasted hours. After a night this week with only 2.5 hours of sleep I decided that something had to give! I couldn't take anymore of the sleepless nights! Pregnancy and sleep deprivation do not mix.

Two nights ago I decided to just let Josiah sleep with us after the first night waking. Pete didn't like being kicked so he went out into the living room ( one of the things that I have always had a problem with when it comes to co-sleeping ). But do you know what??? Josiah slept the rest of the night with me and never woke again!!

Sometime in the middle of that night I went out to Pete on the couch and told him if this is something we are going to do then we HAVE to get a king size bed so that Pete isn't relegated to the couch.... So last night we went out bed shopping and tomorrow my wonderful new Sealy Posturpedic king size bed will be arriving at my door step!!

Last night we did the same thing with Si. After his first night waking he came to bed with me and Pete went out to the couch... Si woke up one more time last night but after a bottle went right back to sleep!! Can you believe it!?? I got 9 hours of sleep last night... Granted it was broken up a bit. But I can't remember the last time I got that much sleep! My only regret is that I am not breastfeeding and so I still have to get up to get a bottle... Doh!

Co-sleeping has become a bit of a controversy in our society today. But when research is done the pros far outweigh the cons. I know a few of the most popular reasons NOT to cosleep include: The baby never leaving your bed (how many college students do you know still sleep with their parents?), mom and dad are never alone anymore (um.... there are other rooms in the house with flat surfaces... 'nuff said) and the other big one is safety. The safety concern is pretty big with a lot of people. I know it always has been with me. But if you take the right precautions it has been proven that cosleeping has decreased the incidence of SIDS.

That being said. I was one of those people that said they would never cosleep... It just wasn't something that I wanted to do. Something that my family members convinced me was the dumbest thing on earth I could ever do! But now almost three years after having my first child I have come to realize that we all raise our children the best that we can. And we do it in the way that we deem right.

After going through months of no sleep with Josiah and tons of doctor's appts to figure out why he wasn't sleeping, it finally occured to me that maybe, just maybe, all Josiah needed was the security of knowing that I am still there. Every baby is different. Emma is very independent and this was never a need of hers. But Josiah is needy... and this is one of his biggest needs. So as a parent who loves my children more than anything in the world, it is my responsibility to meet the needs of my children. If that means going against the mainstream then that is what Pete and I plan to do.

After two nights of getting sleep all I can say is that I can't figure out why I didn't do this before!! We are hoping that after getting Josiah through his anxiety he will be able to go back to sleeping on his own. I have two months before Abby gets here to accomplish that. But in the meanwhile I need sleep!

Now we have the decision in front of us to decided to cosleep with Abby or not. We are kind of leaning towards doing it. It is so much easier! I plan on succeeding in breastfeeding this time. No more formula in this household... It is evil stuff I tell ya! And so cosleeping would make it much easier on us all.

But if the day comes that Abby is born and sleeping with us and Josiah still needs the security of mom and dad then we will welcome them both into our room, bed and hearts because that is the best and right thing to do with our children.

A possible money maker??

I had an appointment today with my midwife. I had brought in some of my cloth diapers to show her so that I could ask her if I could use them while we were in the hospital. She was looking at them for the longest and raving about them. The one diaper that she was particularly interested in had a snap in soaker. So after a few minutes she asked me if I could make some of those contoured pads but a bit wider. I looked at her and asked her if she wanted them for cloth pads. She smiled and was glad I knew why she was asking!

So I have been commissioned to make her some Mama pads!! She wants to pay me for them too! Too bad I don't know how much to charge!! To top it all off she told me that if and when I am ready to sell my diapers to let her know and she will promote them at their office!!

I am so excited that I may have a way to help out our family financially! (Although I am sure some of the money will go to support my fabric addiction! She also told me to tell Maureen, my doula, because she knows tons of people that use cloth and would be able to promote my diapers too!

So that just leaves me with one problem. I need a business name so that I can have a logo and labels to put on my diapers. I am thinking about.... "Heavenly Fluff".... I didn't want to make any references to diapers in case I decide to sell other things I sew. So far that domain name is not taken on the internet!! So everyone tell me what they think of the name so I can decide!

____________________

I am 29 weeks and 2 days today! So far I have gained two pounds since the last visit but I still have 8 pounds to gain to even get up to my prepregnancy weight. The baby is head down (well today she was!) and her heart sounded great. I will be having an ultrasound in a couple of weeks to check everything out. I talked to my midwife today about a lot of the birth stuff... So I will hopefully be getting a jacuzzi tub this time! Also she will be coming in again for my birth which I am really excited about! And the best thing I think I negotiated was that I get to use my diapers on Abby at the hospital so a disposable doesn't have to touch her bummy!

Technically 10 weeks and 5 days left... But I am praying for 8 weeks and 5 days!

Hope it goes by fast!!

27 weeks 4 days

I was thinking about how far along I am today. I can't believe how fast the last seven or so months have gone! It seems like so long ago that I found out I was carrying Abby. But by the same token it feels like it was just a couple weeks ago. This pregnancy has been so similar to Emma's that it is kind of weird! But it does make it easy for me to realize that all that I am experiencing is okay and normal. The one thing that is different from both of my previous pregnancies is that I am not gaining weight.

It is strange and sometimes I do worry about it. But so far the midwife isn't worried about it. Abby is growing right on target so there really isn't a cause to worry yet. I do know one thing though... I doubt, very highly, that Abby will be as large as Josiah was. And you know what? That is perfectly fine with me! Because maybe that means that pushing her out will be a breeze! According to my midwife/doula she says I should cough this one right out... Should I get that in writing!?

I am finally starting to get things ready. It has taken me a long time with this baby... mostly because I just did this all last year! It is nice to know that we don't have to get too much stuff though since we have a lot of Emma's things still sitting in storage. We will just need to supplement with some winter clothing and we will be all set. So far I have spent a vast majority of my nesting by sewing and knitting and crocheting for the baby. So far I have 25 newborn diapers sewn up. Three cut out and ready to sew. Two covers done and one cut out and ready to sew. I have one pair of longies (wool soaker pants) done and another one my needles that hopefully I will get the desire to finish sometime soon. Although when it comes to knitting I have actually commissioned some online friends to make me some more soakers and longies because I just don't think I will finish many more. A friend in Canada (Jamie my dumb link button won't work!) is knitting me some longies and a soaker. A friend in Oregon is making me a pair of longies and a soaker. And a friend in NY will be making a pair of crocheted longies... I just need to pay the friend in NY, and make the diaper in trade for the friend in Oregon and send the friend in Canada the yarn... Um... I better get on that soon! That would make five longies and two soakers. I have plans for two soakers myself which would bring the total up to four... That would be nine wool covers... That is awesome!! I can't wait to use it all on her!! She is going to be one comfy baby that is for sure!

We got a cradle from my grandparents that they had found in their attic when they moved in. My mom is graciously stripping it and staining for me... I really wanted to but everyone told me I couldn't breath in those toxic fumes! So that should be done soon and then I can get that all ready to go.

I know that I still have as little as 10 weeks to go... could be as much as 14 weeks! But I really hope that Abby decides to make her debut as soon as the last two have! That would just be awesome.... Another tax deduction!!!

All in all I feel good right now and I hope it continues to be that way as I head into the third trimester. Feel free to peruse my flickr account for pics of the things I have completed for the baby. I won't be able to load anymore pics for another week. Guess I should give in and pay for the upgrade at Flickr!

Peanuts anyone?

Conversation with Emma last night during bathtime.

Emma: "Mommy what's that?" Pointing to Josiah's little boy parts.

Mom: "Those are Si's privates."

Emma: "No they're NOT mommy. They are NOT is privates." Said with much vehemence.

Mom: "Fine then... That is Josiah's penis."

Emma: "No it's NOT mommy... That is NOT Josiah's peanut. It's his privates."

____

Peanut... yup that's a new one for me! Oh well... from the mouth of Emma once again!

From the mouth.... of Emma

A little something to brighten your day...

It never ceases to amaze me the way a two year old mind works and the things that come out of their mouths!

Last night as we were driving home...

There was a HUGE harvest moon out.

Emma: "Look at da moon mom!"

Mom: "Yes, I see it... it's big isn't it?"

Emma: "Yes mom!"

Mom and dad proceed with the interrupted conversation.

Emma: "Mom! Mom! Mom!"

Mom: "Wait a second Emma daddy is saying something to mommy."

Emma: "No mom HEAR ME NOW!

_______

On occasion I will deny Emma something her little heart desires. For instance say that she is whining about going to bed and wants to watch cartoons. I will tell her she has to wait till tomorrow. Her retort??

"NO! It's not tomorrow anymore!!

Anything that I say no about can be used to replace the word tomorrow in the previous sentence. It can become pretty funny.

Like...

"Mommy I want supper"

"Emma it is time for breakfast!"

"NO! It's not breakfast anymore!"

See what I mean?

________

Tonight at the dinner table.

I am singing Emma a little song... something about yummys in her tummys.

She tells me its not tummys anymore??? Whatever that is supposed to mean.

The following ensues.

Mom: "Emma where do the pancakes go? Are they in your tummy?"

Emma: "No mom. It's not my tummys anymore!"

Mom: "Emma... where do the pancakes go when you eat them?"

Emma: "Mom... I just eatin em."

Mom: "Emma where do the pancakes go after you swallow them?"

Emma (spoken in great anger): "I not swallowing. I just eatin!"


Brought a smile to my face so I thought I would share!

One year ago today...

I joined the wide world of the web by putting my stamp on it and starting the blog. I didn't think that I would ever actually last this long! My friend, Jamie, was the one that convinced me to start the blog even though I kept telling her I had nothing to talk about.

At first my blog was pretty active with posts nearly every day. Then it started to taper a bit when Josiah was born. Heck... then I got pregnant and it got even harder for me to find the time to blog. Other things have come up during the year that has made me hesitant to really use my blog the way I had orignally intended. Sometimes I feel like I can't really write what I feel or how things really are because of certain people! But... I have gotten around that. And I think eventually I am going to just go back to the old way of thinking... Who the heck cares!!??

Hopefully in the next year I will be able to keep it up a little bit better... although I am sure it will be difficult once Abby joins our little family! So bear with me... if things get slower in the near future... blame it on the baby...

One thing I would like to do this year is possibly splurge and have someone design the graphics for my blog... I am just plain sick of the way it looks... So if anyone has any suggestions or maybe knows how to do it... Let me know!!

Anyhow... Happy Anniversary to me!

Slacker McSlacker

Yup. That's my new name. You would think with all that happens in my life every day I would have something to write about on a more regular basis! But due to the fact that sleep is so elusive in our household and the terrible two's have descended upon us full force I tend to forget about the blog.... Oh... and I almost forgot. I am pregnant! Blame it on the preggo brain if you must.

Anyhow. I have been informed by a certain someone who chooses to remain unnamed *cough* Pete *cough*... That I should tell everyone about my birthday. Well a little while after I posted my little 'Ode to Bekah' Pete came home. Now that in itself isn't unusual... Nope... He came home bearing gifts! He had brought me a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, bought the candles to put on it.... and then bought me flowers. It definitely brightened up my birthday.... Thanks Hun!

Some other things that have been keeping me busy are baby preparations. Mainly in the form of sewing and knitting. I almost have another pair of pants knitted and so far I have five fitteds, 9 AIO's, and 6-8 misc other diapers all sewn. Today I cut out three more! I am slowly but surely making it to my first goal. I would like to have 36 newborn dipes done before the baby makes her appearance... and also 36 smalls. But I am currently running out of girly fabric.

On a happy note. I post over at Diaper Divas often and have made some friends over there. Some wonderful mama who I don't know that well sent me a huge box of fabric last week. I couldn't believe it! She sent me some hemp jersey, knit jersey, various flannels, microfleece and a few cuts of cotton woven.... Holy cow! I thought I died and went to fabric heaven! To share that much fabric with someone would be a sacrafice to me because of the money. But she selflessly gave it to me! I will never be able to thank her enough for that.

Abby is alive and well. She makes sure to let me know that about every 5 seconds! Last night while Pete and I were watching tv I looked at him funny. He asked me what... like every good husband does. I asked him how it is possible that some people can go through an entire pregnancy and not even know they are pregnant! There is no way that I could do that. All of my babies have made it common practice to pummel me from the inside out! There is no mistaken there is another life in there! Ah... well at least I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is happy and healthy as long as I can feel her. Oh... and he didn't know the answer!

As it stands today:
24wks 4ds
Have an appt next week
Still have not gained any weight (midwife is unconcerned at this time)
Abby moves non stop all the time!
Mom has become a walking bathroom zombie at night!

Happy Birthday to meeee!

Okay since no one really knows it's my birthday... (oh wait maybe they don't care....) I thought I would sing myself a little song...

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to mee-eeeeee
Happy Birthday to me!

I am a quarter of a century old today and I plan on making myself some chocolate cake tonight when Pete gets home from work. If no one else will make you a cake, make yourself one!!

I never had a chance to remember!

I was looking back at some of my old archives. I think it was because I was bored or needed reminders of Josiah's pregnancy... no seriously, I was looking back to see when my first post was so I would know when to write my one year anniversary post!

Anyways I ran across an old post that really cracked me up. At the time I was dead serious! I was in the middle (actually way past the middle) of my pregnancy with Josiah and was just plain sick of it! I never was one that enjoyed pregnancy.

So I look back at that now and think about how I didn't even have the chance to be reminded of my previous pregnancies or births! I just kind of "got pregnant" There was no thought involved. In fact I was totally oblivious to the fact that I was pregnant till lovely Aunt Flo never arrived. This was quite strange considering the other three times I was pregnant I just "knew". The reason I didn't have any inclination this time was because this pregnancy was completely a surprise! There was no baby fever... I never once thought about having another baby.... Never had to be reminded of anyone that I don't like being pregnant... It just happened! Ahhh!!

So now here I am, 22 weeks pregnant and really wondering how this pregnancy is going to pan out. So far I have not had any painful contractions that keep me up at night. Not that that is the only thing I usually experience. I am having my normal lion's share of bathroom breaks in the night which is quite annoying... and my back hurts just as much as it did the last time...

No... this time I have something else to contend with... A nine month who refuses to sleep... EVER.

Holy crap! I would take back pain and contractions any day to the sheer exhaustion I feel every day! It is draining enough to be pregnant. Add in Josiah. The boy who thinks that 8 hours of sleep a day is enough for a baby his age. Uh... no it is not! Our nights go something like this:

Put Josiah down in his crib. Hear him scream thirty minutes later because he realizes that someone put him down! Keep your fingers crossed that he will just go back to sleep. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. If he doesn't we go through this all again. Put to sleep, put to bed, cry thirty minutes later. If he DOES go to sleep then if we are lucky we won't hear from him for a little while. But then we have to get Emma to bed. Read a couple of books, watch a little tv with daddy (the much coveted event of the day) then off to bed with strict instructions NOT to make noise and wake up Si! Then finally... finally Pete and I are alone for the first time all day. And usually this is two hours after Josiah went to bed. So we know we have already lost two hours of potential sleep. Sometimes we get really lucky and he won't wake up till 5am... but unfortunately who wants to get up an hour before the alarm? That's rough! Actually what is worse is when he gets up at 4am and you know because of that, by the time he gets back to sleep and in his crib you won't be able to go back to bed! So there are some days that my day starts at 4am... Not right... Sometimes I am lucky and he gets up at 2am and then I can get a couple more hours of sleep before it is time to get up with Pete or until Emma gets up.

Now I know what some of you are thinking... well my kid gets up two or three times a night! I would love to only have to get up once.... Well if that is what you are thinking... go blog about it! This is my pity party.

Because then the day goes something like this. Pete leaves for work. The kids scream all morning... Emma wants juice, she wants to watch cartoons, she wants me to get Josiah 'out' of her room... And then there is Josiah. He is so incredibly tired since he didn't sleep last night, that he spends his morning on the floor fussing and playing and then fussing some more because he is so tired! Then finally lunch time comes. We eat lunch I put Emma down for her nap and feed Josiah, hopeing that he will sleep for his nap... But he usually doesn't. He is famous for his thirty minute power naps. Drink the bottle, go to sleep, lay in bed and wake up 30 minutes later much to consternation of his mother... Who has also been up since 4 am and would love a nap. But Josiah has other plans. Then Emma gets up. There is no hope left for Josiah's nap and we just count the time till daddy comes home and we can all go to bed again.

How sad does my life sound?? Isn't it pathetic how it all surrounds sleep???

My only hope is that this baby will be different... the proverbial perfect third baby... Until then I really hope this old pregnant mare can get 40 winks....

No rest for the weary

I think I may have found one of the worst downfalls of motherhood today.

Being sick and not being able to "be" sick...

You mom's know how it is! You wake up sicker than a dog but the kids are still in need of your care and hubby has to go to work. And it wouldn't be fair to ask someone to come watch the kids because who wants to enter a house full of germs! I have been lucky thus far, to not be sick that often since having kids. I do remember one time when Emma was only a few months old that I got pretty sick and my parents came and took her for me. The time I remember after that was almost 2 years later just this past January about a month after Josiah was born. But at the time I could take some good old Tylenol Cold and feel at least functional enough to take care of the kids! I hardly ever get sick! Why today? Couldn't it have waited one more day for the weekend??

But now... I am pregnant... I can't take anything "good"! So here I lay on the couch with my laptop, a pounding headache, stopped up nose, scratchy throat, achey and wondering why Josiah can't sleep in his crib during the day. He sleeps there all night long by himself. But during the day?? Heck no! I desperately wanted to snooze while Emma watched Seasame Street this morning. So I put him to bed after his bottle. He last all of about five minutes in there.

It just isn't fair!!

Five o'clock just can't come fast enough today!!!

I actually finished!

I have done some knitting in the past. But I always tend to NOT finish what I start! I get discouraged or bored with the project before I get done with it. But since we are expecting a new baby in the early winter I have suddenly regained an interest in knitting and sewing. I have finished some new diapers for the new baby and I have finished this:



The bulk of it actually only took me a week of on and off knitting. The grafting, weaving and last four inches of one leg sat unfinished for a couple weeks because that is the most boring part! But I finally picked it up this week and finished it.
So now Abbie (Abbey, Abby who knows how we will spell it!) has one pair of wool longies to her name. I am going to be starting another pair this week sometime with some girly colors. Hopefully I wil have it done sooner!

It's a.....

I had my ultrasound today. While I was very hesitant to get one I went ahead and did it. Last year when I was pregnant with Josiah (at this same exact time I might add!) I had my regular and routine ultrasound at 18 weeks. We were so excited to be able to find out what he was. It was pretty uneventful and we left that appointment with the info that our baby was a boy and was measuring almost two weeks ahead of schedule...

Four days later the midwife called me to tell me that our baby had several subchorionic cysts and an increased nuchal fold... Both of which might have pointed to a Down's Syndrome baby. We both mourned that day... I think my eyes were so swollen I could hardly see... and too make matters worse we had to go and face the whole family at my parents 25th wedding anniversary party! It was so awesome how much support we got that night. Not one person asked us if we were going to abort... THAT WASN'T AN OPTION. While we did get that comment by a couple of people it wasn't on that day.

Two weeks later I went in for a level II ultrasound where we found out the cysts were still there but the nuchal fold was gone... Also he was still measuring big! The perinatologist told me that it didn't point to Down Syndrome but to Trisomy 18 which was usually fatal to the baby. I left there upset but even more determined to see this to the end. After much prayer on my part I finally got a peace that I nor anyone else could understand. I didn't worry about it anymore... I knew deep in my heart that he was going to be fine...

The day he was born the thought crossed my mind that there might be something wrong... but at that same time the midwife came over to me and told me he looked great and had no signs of either of those two conditions. To this day I still believe that Josiah is my special child. For any of you that read his birth story you know that we had chosen the name Josiah before we even knew he was a boy and later, after his birth, found out that it meant "Jehovah heals".... I believe that beyond a shadow of a doubt!

It was with mixed emotions that I went to my ultrasound today... Very hesitant at what we would find out. According to the technician every thing looked great. The baby was very cooperative and showed its face numerous times... At one point we caught it yawning... it was SO cute!! When the time came the tech asked me if I wanted to know the sex if she was able to see it.... The baby wasn't shy and she showed me in between the legs...

Unmistakably a..... Girl!! We are having a little girl!! I was so sure that it was a girl that I wasn't surprised when she told me it was a girl. I asked her how sure she was that it was a girl... She said it was pretty obvious.... So I am convinced!

As I was walking out she told me I wouldn't have to come back unless I needed a followup. I told her I knew because I had had to do it last summer with my son when we found out about his cysts and nuchal fold. She looked at me and lowered her voice then said "Well I am not supposed to tell you this... but everything looks fine and I didn't see any of that!"

So please welcome our new little one! A girl who will be named

Abbie Lynne

A new Emma-ism

Emma's new favorite thing to do.....

"Mommy I want to go to Chopper..."

Price Chopper is a grocery store in our area.... We went to one the other day and hadn't been to one in a couple of months. What is up with that??? How did she remember that? As soon as we pulled in to the parking lot she had a cow and started shouting:

"I want to go to Chopper, I want to go to Chopper, I want to go to Chopper...."

Then when we left she got upset and then the next day we got in the car and said:

"We go to Chopper mommy... okay?"

And now today... she is sitting on the couch and saying:

"Mommy we go to Chopper tomorrow okay???"

Hmm.... a foodie in the making?

Stupid Blogger.... among other things.

It seems that every time that I get online to post some pics of the family, that is exactly when Blogger decides to have a brainfart and not allow me to upload pics... Doing some research online this seems to be pretty common with Blogger... Hence... STUPID BLOGGER.... Who cares if it is free?? It is completely unreliable and really causes me NOT to want to blog! I would like to be able to do what I want to do when I have the time to do it! Not when Blogger deems it okay!

Anyways... due to the fact that I am really mad at Blogger I will not be posting pics today... Just some updates.

Josiah is now dragging himself everywhere... um... I like them better when they stay where you put them! No seriously.. he is really moving therefore EVERYTHING goes in his mouth... Guess it is time to baby proof again... *sigh*. He also seems to have inherited his daddy's temper... Darn! I just really hope one of my poor children gets by unscathed! When I mentioned this to Pete he just got a smirk on his face, laughed and said "Sorry!"

Emma is still not potty trained... It's. Getting. Old. At what point do they finally think... Oh! I think I will use the potty!? But if nothing else at least she has proven bright in other areas... we have comments quite often that she talks quite fluently for a two year old... I don't really have any other kids to really compare her to so I don't usually say much when I do hear this... the doctor's just told me she was normal.

Both of the kids have decided lately that it is fun to wake mom up at night! Who knows why.... Emma's favorite thing to do is come into our room at night and stare at me until I wake up... CREEPY! It is usually for something crazy... A drink or a blanket... Last night it was because she wanted to watch cartoons!! What??!! I walk her back to her room and pray every night that she won't wake Si up...

I had my appointment today... I am 17 weeks and 2 days. We heard the heartbeat and all is well... The midwife is still convinced there is only one in there! I sure hope so!! The baby is moving like crazy all the time now and making its presence known every day a few times a day now. It is nice to have the reassurance that he/she is still there and kicking... literally! Next Tuesday is the big day! We will find out if Bean is a girl baby or a boy baby... So far we only have a girl's name picked out.... We did have a boy's name picked out but Pete changed his mind. So instead of arguing over another boy name we are going to wait and see if it even deserves discussion!

I have been very reluctant of my blog... I just want to apologize and try to be better... I am starting to feel better now that I am well into the second trimester... I am hoping life will be on an upswing here soon!

Today:
17wk 2ds
Heartbeat: Normal and strong
Weight gain: 2 lbs total
Movement: Quite active!

(PS... when Blogger decides to play nice I will post some pics...)

The baby has made it's presence known

I have been feeling little taps and such for about 2-3 weeks but I would always dismiss it as gas because it just wasn't "obvious" as it was with my other two pregnancies! But last Friday I was sitting in a chair with my abdomen all scrunched up because I was leaning over and I felt a pretty big kick that surprised me! It was a movement that made me think " That was definitely the baby!"

Since Friday I haven't felt anything consistent... just little jabs here and there... but now that I know that it really is the baby I am able to distinguish the movements much easier.

Hopefully in the next couple of weeks Pete will be able to enjoy the movement as well... We are still on the countdown till the ultrasound which will probably be in two weeks or so. Bean will then have an identity!

Just another day in Emma's world

Today I was sitting on the couch trying to figure out some knitting and Emma comes into the room from the direction of her bathroom...

"Mmm, mommy, that tastes good!!!" She says smacking her lips and wiping her hands.

Oh great now what... I go into the bathroom and discovered that she had helped herself to a taste of the liquid hand soap.... Guess we won't be able to use that as a threat in the future for a potty mouth since she seems to enjoy the taste of it!

Look Mommy, I bee-you-tiful!

So I am sitting at the table enjoying the last little bit of dinner and Emma comes in then kitchen... prancing about...

"Look mommy! I bee-you-tiful!"

"Oh really.... why is that?"

"I put lotion on my face!"

"Oh... well where is the lotion?"

"In der." Pointing to absolutely nothing in the other room.

"Well, could you get the lotion and show it to mommy?"

"Okay!" Said as she is running in the direction of the bathroom.

She comes back in the kitchen.

"Here mommy!"

She hands me the soap bottle from the bathtub and then runs off... I sigh and go back to what I am doing... to many of these things have happened today and quite frankly I am tired...

She comes running in and hands me the bottle of shampoo... "Here mommy! You look bee-you-tiful too!"

Thanks Emma... I'll get right on that...

Well if nothing else it was good for a laugh...

(At least it wasn't like last night's conversation that went something like this "Look mommy! So pretty!!" she says as she wipes Desitin on her face and hands...)

We're still alive!

I never meant for a month to go by between posts!!

We had a incredibly long and eventful month though! The day after my last post Pete was admitted to the hospital for the fluid around his heart that had returned. We were told that it would just be for observation and pain management! But the next day a different cardiologist came in and told Pete he had to have surgery that day. So after waiting all day he went in at almost five and had the fluid around his heart drained. He spent that night in the ICU then another 5 days on the cardiac care floor. It was a long week. I spent every day at the hospital and farmed the kids out to various family members. He came home after a week in the hospital.

A day after we got home Pete started making plans to leave that night to go out to his parents in Indiana since he was going to be out for another couple of weeks. But our plans got foiled when major flooding covered th NYS Thruway for miles and miles and there was no way to get west! But we were finally able to leave the next day... exactly a week after Pete's surgery. We stayed out there for week seeing family and going to parks and the zoo. Pics will follow soon when I find time!!

Then after we got home and Pete was going into his fourth week out of work we decided to occupy the time by helping out at VBS at church.

Yesterday was Pete's first day back to work... and a bad day to do it!! It was 96 degrees outside!! He made it most of the night. I told him after being out for a month and being sick and having surgery it would take time to build his stamina back up!

So another month has gone by and Josiah is seven months old now... creeping ever closer to the birth of his little sibling... Emma is still no closer to being potty trained and I am still pregnant!

Stay tuned because hopefully we will be back to our normally scheduled programing!

A note from the sidelines

Please stay tuned for a few words from my hubby!

Some people ofton wonder why this website is here for the open public to read...Well, let me explain why I feel that this website is tthere for everyone to read. My wife is awesome, she goes above and beyond what a wife should ever have to do. She has given me two wonderful children and a “little bean” on the way. She is taking care of all the household chores, even the ones I hate...(You know the commodes!) OnlyGod knows what I have done to allow me to have her as my wife!!! So the reason she does this is because she is home alone with a 2 year old and 6 month old.. what conversations do you think she has?? Yes, no, don’t do that, do this and do that. She does not get a chance to ever talk to anyone else during the day. Especially when I leave the house at noon and do not get home until the wee hours of the morning! So I think that it is a chance to catch up on her saneness trying to take care of everything. As for personal stuff on here, so what if other people read it..there is some devout readers who read it and pray for the situation at hand...Do we ask for it..no, but God laid it on their hearts to take the time out and read the blog. So I think that sometimes it is necessary to tell others about what is going on..both for family and public. So in regards to what people think about this blog, My wife is going to do this for family and those who have talked to my wife on a regular basis. If there is some else new that is just passing through please take a look..there is a lot that you will be able to relate to! For those prayer warriors out there...( you know who you are) Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your thoughts and prayers.
~Pete

Happy Half Birthday 'Siah!

Josiah is officially six months old... so that makes half a year!



It has been a fast six months that is for sure! Josiah is finally sleeping all night... Around ten to twelve hours but he still doesn't nap very well. If he would nap it would be heavenly! But all in good time... all in good time.

Two months ago we started solids. His current favorite is bananas or any combination with bananas in it. He used to eat carrots... but now he just spits them out. We have tried every flavor so far except for green beans and those nasty meats! He LOVES his lunch and dinner. Pretty soon I plan to start him on his third meal of the day.

Josiah also found out 6 weeks ago that he is going to be a big brother! Bean will be gracing us with his/her presences and presenting Josiah with his offical title of "BB" that's "big brother" for those who aren't in the know... *wink*

Yesterday Josiah discovered that he can scoot backwards. He starts at one side of the room and ends up on the other! And then just today he found out he could blow razzberries... TOO CUTE!

His current favorite person is MOMMY. He is definitely a momma's boy. But that is okay with me. Our time together will be short before the baby comes so I am going to enjoy every moment that we have. Anytime that anyone holds him he constantly keeps one eye on mommy. Daddy is an okay substitute... but not for long!

He is also quite fond of his "Sissy" She is just about the only one that can make him giggle!

I am sure the next couple of months will go just as fast. And before we know it we will be celebrating his one year birthday!

It's almost gone.

I am finally starting to feel better. I can actually eat without gagging. But the nausea is still there and I have to be careful what I do eat.

I am currently still exhausted because Josiah doesn't reliably nap for very long in the afternoon. But I am slowly starting to feel more energy and was able to do all the laundry today and change and wash everyone's sheets today. I also managed to make lunch today.

Emma has been gone for the past two days. Her honorary Aunt Linda took her to spend two nights at her house. I have called to check on her a few times and according to Linda she doesn't even miss me! Sniff... Oh well... At least I got a nice break from taking care of a two year old and trying to corral her defiance. Although I find it amusing if not annoying that she only shows her true colors around me and me only.

The midwife called me today and told me everything looked great with the ultrasound and that she was sticking with the due date of January 14th. But we all know that it really doesn't matter for me! I just hope little Bean chooses to make his/her appearance in time for a nice little tax deduction.

Currently:

9wks 3 days.
Still feeling sick and tired. But improving!
No kicks yet. But counting down the days!
Hoping for another girl.

Only one!

Well we found out today that there is only one baby in there! Thank God! I think I would have gone insane if I had found out I was having twins or something!

And the hearbeat was great! 167! The baby was moving its arms around... so cute!

I am just happy everything is okay with the baby so far.

Next milestone: Movement!

Guess what I am doing!

Typing a post on my new laptop!

I have wanted a laptop forever and since our stupid computer kept crashing and getting tons of viruses and spyware and such, we decided it was time to get a new one. So we chose to get a Mac.... you've seen the commercials with the poor little pc guy who is sick and the mac guy who isn't? Well that is our aim.... No more viruses... and in the long run we will have a computer that lasts a lot longer.

We chose to go with a laptop just due to the lack of space in our house. Now it will be nice not to have a computer sitting on a counter somewher. We can take it out and sit anywhere. Not to mention we can take it with us everywhere which is always a plus.

Hopefully in the next couple of months we will be getting a wireless router so that we can also go on the net wherever we want. Currently we have found that the internet cord from our cable company ended up being long enough that we just plugged in while sitting on the bed... How comfy. Now if I ever get put on bedrest I will be all set!

Now just to learn how to use a mac and I will be all set!

It's Official!

Since blogger is finally back up I can post about my first OB appointment!!

I went to see my midwife yesterday for my first visit... It's official! I am pregnant and due on January 14, 2007. Just 11 days later than what Josiah's due date was this past January.

I had to do the routine pee in the cup. But beforehand the nurse was standing in the bathroom door looking at my chart... she sighs and says
"Did you just take a test at home and not here??"

"Why yes," I say " Three, in fact. You don't think they could have all been wrong do you?? Or the fact that maybe Aunt Flo hasn't visited in two months means anything important do you??"

No... I didn't really say that... But she really did ask me that... You would think that since this is my 4 pregnancy that I might just happen to know when I am pregnant!

Anyways on to the better stuff. The midwife asked me if I was okay with being pregnant yet. I told her it would take some time but I would get used to it. Then we talked about the dreaded labor and delivery! I am so scared to go through that again. I just don't want this one to get stuck like Josiah did! When I voiced my fear she told me not to worry... I could fit a 12 pound baby through there if the shoulders were narrower than Josiah's.

Uh... I might be crazy... but who wants to put 12 pounds through "there" ??
I certainly don't! So we shall just keep our fingers crossed that the baby will stay small!

On Monday I have an ultrasound to check the dates and see the heartbeat... and hopefully, according to the midwife, I will become a little more attached to the idea if I see the baby... I sure hope so cause I am still reeling at the fact that I am going to have two babies only a year apart.... God help me!

Okay... so as it stands.

8 weeks 4 days (five days today!)
No heartbeat yet because it is still early to hear it through the doppler.
Lost 8 pounds so far (I like the weight loss... but seriously do I need to starve?? I hope I feel better soon!)

Update to follow after the Monday ultrasound

It's about stinkin' time!

Yesterday I caved and called the midwife to beg for some medicine for the nausea. They said sure! So last night I picked the medicine up and took one. I felt much better. But then I fell into a very deep sleep. Well darn! That work for during the day when I have to take care of the kids.... Lot of good that does!

When the pharmacist said it may cause some drowsiness I figured it couldn't be much worse than how I feel already with the fatigue of first trimester... I was wrong.

So I guess this will be a night time med and it will help me get through till morning when I can start off the morning right... with food! And curb the nausea before it even happens.

Four weeks and counting till the second trimester and the relief from being sick! I can't wait!! I can't believe that it has come this quickly. Before I know it the due date will be here.... Holy Cow... three kids... it's gonna be a mad house around here!

Firetruck, Daddy!

Pete stopped in at the local volunteer fire department today. He wants to join.
After a month of applications, reference checking and all that kind of good stuff he should find out by the beginning of July if he will be a new "Firetruck Man" (That is what Emma calls them.)

While we were waiting for him to get out of the firehouse Emma wanted to know where daddy was. So I told her that he was in talking to the firetruck man. She got all excited and wanted to know if she could see the firetrucks!

Turns out that if and when Pete is voted in he will able to let Emma come and see the firetrucks... at least that is what the chief told him today.

Someday Pete would like to possibly make a career out of this. They will provide all the training for their facilities. When the time comes he will check into making it a full time job.

He's really excited so I am keeping my fingers crossed!

Bye Ray-chul

Is it a bad thing when your 2 year old daughter says: "Bye Ray-chul." when the commercials come on during Rachel Ray's 30 minutes meals??

Maybe I should curb my Rachel Ray obsession!

Hello my old friend....

Morning sickness is back with a vengence!

With Emma it was so bad that I ended up with an IV! With Josiah?? Nothing... With Bean?? Oh it's bad, people! I think we could be well on our way to a repeat of Emma... I wonder if that means it's a girl??!

Yesterday we went on a lovely picinic with some other young couples from our church. Emma got to play with her favorite friend, Maddie. Josiah got to play with his friend (read: baby the same age) Autumn.

I got to eat lots of good food! At least I thought it was good food! We had burgers, potato salad, strawberry shortcake and watermelon. I thought I was doing good having sampled all these foods. I was thinking what good fortune I was having with all this food set in front of me, I didn't have to worry about what I would eat. Because since I feel sick all the time, when left to my own devices, I don't eat. But if the food is readily available I eat!

I did good! Didn't eat as much as everyone else but certainly more than I have been eating. We went on a nice walk, played in the creek (Emma loved it!) and just sat around and talked.

Since it was REALLY hot out we didn't do much moving around other than what was absolutely necessary. By 6pm we were ready to go home. Our house felt like an oven compared to being in the woods all afternoon.

We had a really nice day... and it would have been better if I hadn't had to sit at the great white throne all night to pay for all that food I ate... I think I will go back to eating nothing... it works MUCH better.

So far I have lost 5 pounds... still have 5 weeks left in the first trimester!

Batten down the hatches!!!!

Emma has hit the terrible twos!!

But first I need to clear something up... did I spell batten right?? Cause here is what Webster's says:

1bat·ten Pronunciation: 'ba-t&nFunction: verbInflected Form(s): bat·tened; bat·ten·ing /'bat-ni[ng], 'ba-t&n-i[ng]/Etymology: probably from Old Norse batna to improve; akin to Old English betera betterintransitive senses a : to grow fat b : to feed gluttonously2 : to grow prosperous especially at the expense of another -- usually used with ontransitive senses : FATTEN

I mean if you look at that definition batten down the hatches doesn't sound right...

Okay enough English for one day... Emma has seriously gone off the deep end.. She has become very defiant! She will sit and stare at me deliberately and do whatever I just told her not to do!!! She also runs off in the middle of stores if you let go for even a split second! We have tried all kinds of punishments... NOT WORKING!

My only hope is that she will be almost through the terrible twos when Bean is born. Oh and it would appear that Josiah may be our soft hearted one. He startles at everything! He cries when he hears loud noises and he has to keep mommy in sight at all times!

Today proved to be trying... Emma was into everything! And unfortunately morning sickness (which is NOT just in the morning) is rearing its ugly head pretty bad here. It is getting almost as bad as it was with Emma. Although I must say a big slice of pizza sounds good right now!

Tomorrow is another day.....

Wanna play a game??

It's a guessing game....

Anyone want to venture a guess as to what this might be??


Wait... what was that??? You want to know what a stick with two lines on it is???

Well... I'll tell ya! It would be a positive sign that we (meaning the adults) will be outnumbered by the end of this year. Yup... another curtain climber is on it's way. Why don't we call him/her, Bean.

Now before you drop all your pearls of wisdom on us whether it be by comment, email or phone I would like to say something. Pete and I were surprised to say the least... this was not in our plans. We were using various methods of protection which obviously did not work. So this in no way is a reflection on our level of responsibility... we have been married for going on 4 years and we DO know how to prevent pregnancy. God intervened with our method and still allowed Bean to be created. Pete and I are both firm believers that God makes NO mistakes. He will provide financially, physically and emotionally. Someone smart once said "If God brings you to it, God will get you through it."

So before you sit back and pass judgement on how we should have done something differently or try to give us your unsolicited advice (which we all know is close to bursting out of your mouths!) why don't you take a second look at how Pete and I feel.

We had both believed that we were done. We had been discussing our options and had come to a decision and had executed said decision two days before we found out our news. God has other plans for us. I believe Bean is going to prove to be someone special.

So PLEASE don't remind us of facts that are already glaring us in the face concerning our finances and lives. Instead try to remember all things happen for a reason...

And if Pete and I have accepted it... couldn't you??

AARRGGHH!!!!

You know what ticks me off big time???

When you get a grease spot on a shirt... a new one at that... and don't notice it till you have already washed it, dried it and put it on again....

Curses!

The making of trauma

Me: Tediously frosting the cake

The Cake: Done at last!


Emma: Blowing out candles.


Emma: Unsure of the fact that Elmo's head is on her table.

Emma: Warming up to the idea but still only licking frosting off of a fork.

(Pardon the blurries... Our camera was dying.)

How to traumatize a two year old

First take all morning to make a yummy nutritional carrot cake.

Then pour it into an Elmo shaped pan.

Next, wait for approximately 40 minutes for it to cook.

After that put it on a cooling rack in the fridge so it will cool in time for the party!

When that is done spend about 20 minutes trying to mix just the right shades of black, red and orange.

Proceed to frost this Elmo shaped cake with a pastry bag and misc. tips.

Lose all feeling in both hands after 45 minutes of squeezing.

Place cake in the fridge to chill and allow the frosting to set.

At the appointed time, remove cake from fridge and put candles on it.

Bring it to the table lit up.

Allow the 2 year old to blow out said candles.

Ask which piece she would like, pointing out the cool eyeballs.

Cut off the eyeball and place in front of 2 year old.

Sit back, watch her scream, push the eyeball away and refuse to eat any part of the cake.



Mommy should have known that cutting the eyeball off of Elmo would scare the crap out of her!

(Pictures of the cake to follow when the missing camera is found)

Aiming for success

By posting this today I will have come in just under the wire for my goal of posting 2-3 times a week. This is number two.

_____

Pete is doing okay but if he doesn't take his medicine his heart acts up. So he has a followup with our general practitioner on Monday and one with the cardiologist on Tuesday.

Monday they will be discussing the newest symptom... high cholesterol. Has anyone ever heard of an almost 26 year old getting high cholesterol?? And the one on Tuesday I am hoping they will be doing a repeat echocardiogram on his heart to check the fluid.

_____

Today marks a new day for us. I went through the pantry and threw away every box of "convenience" food we had. And also decided once the red meat in the freezer is gone then we will switch completely over to white meat and fish.

I purchased tons of produce, picked up some whole wheat pasta and flour, and avoided all the sweets that were calling my name. I also picked up some natural peanut butter. I already make all our bread I will just be converting it to wheat.

The last thing I want to do is look into raw sugar and buying grains and beans at the coop. It will be slow and hard going but we are going to start eating healthier. Not just for Pete's health but so I can lose weight and we can teach the kids good eating habits.

So our motto is if it ain't from scratch don't eat it.

_____

Tomorrow is Emma's birthday party. I am making the Elmo cake (the last sweets left in the house but it will be carrot cake) and got an Elmo table cover and party hats.
We bought her a doll and some accessories, a couple books and a puzzle. My mom is getting her a sand box. My grandma got her play food. Not sure what else she will be getting. We did a ridding out this past week of everything she has outgrown and doesn't play with anymore.

Well Reba is coming on and I want to watch... Have a great weekend!

I gave him up!

It is offical... Josiah is no longer in our room... *sigh*

I am so sad... it is hard to let him go... being that he is my last one (that I know of anyhow!) and so everything with him is different... It was sad... and hard to breakdown the little corner in our room to move him. Probably because it was his little spot that I had nested in and got ready for him when I was still pregnant.

Yesterday my mom and I spent the day going through Emma's room and getting out all the old clothes that don't fit her... rearranging furniture and trying to convince her it would be fun to have 'Si sleeping in her room.

So after all the work and Josiah's crib and dresser were in there my dad came over for dinner... He was in her room and asked her who's bed is this?? She looked at him smiled really big and said " That's Siah's bed!"

Last night I put her down at her regular bedtime: 7:30pm. And then at 11pm I put Josiah down... It was so hard to leave him in that room... all the way down at the other end of the house!!

At 5 this morning Pete tapped me on the shoulder, woke me up and told me that he heard Josiah whimpering in the monitor... By the time I made it down there to check on him he was already in a full blown scream. I grabbed him up and looked over at Emma... she never even stirred! Thank God! That was my biggest fear! Then this morning she got up without even bothering him...

I am so glad that this worked out... And I know it will until he gets to the age where I do that so-called "sleep training" ( Yes we let our babies cry it out... sue me... but it isn't until after a year old) Then we will have to deal with him screaming and when to put Emma to bed.. But there is lots of time before that!

I am still sad about losing my baby though! Pretty soon he is going to be eating cheerios!

Oh and did I mention he said "dada" this morning?? Not sure if it was on purpose... but it was so cute!

Time in a Bottle

Did you ever wish that you could actually do that?? Put time in a bottle?? I do! And I know exactly what I would do when I figured out how... I would bottle it up... create a flashy label and a cute catchy jingle... then I would mass market it with a target to stay at home moms... I seriously think I would be rich in a matter of days.

But now... really... come on... I can't do that! So instead I take pictures... Aren't they the best thing to make memories with??

I can't believe that Emma turned two... I can't believe that two years ago I went through three days of labor and then two and half hours of pushing before she graced us with her presence... and while those two years have gone by so fast I have so many memories.

Emma has come so far in the last few months. She is talking in four word sentences... I can't wait to see what she comes up with next! Every day she amazes me with the things that she can do and what she says.

She LOVES to play with her dolls and pretend that she is a mommy. It is so cute to see her put the babies in Josiah's swing and then turn it on... And then when that gets old she feeds them and puts them to bed..

Emma has a love for Elmo... Almost an obsession... and so therfore we will be constructing an Elmo cake for her birthday... the pics will be up sometime after the birthday party next week.

She can count to 5 now and is well on her way to counting to 10... She can pick out some letters and tell me what they are... I can't wait to start teaching her the whole alphabet!

While she throws numerous tantrums every day... and never fails to let me know when she is in a bad mood I still love how she can turn even the worst day into the best one... She will just come up and give me the biggest hug and kiss and then run back off to what she was doing....

Happy 2nd birthday Emma!

God give me strength.

Pete went to a cardiologist today. He had been having some chest pains and "weird feelings" as he called them with his heart.

So due to the fact that he has a cardiac history I begged him to go in and see a doctor. Today was the big day and here is the verdict...

He has fluid around his heart...

Okay I admit it... when he told me my heart literally jumped in my throat and I fought the urge to run to the bathroom and lose my lunch to the porcelain throne. But I held on while he told me what the doctor said... if only I had never gone to nursing school then I wouldn't always assume the worse.

The doctor asked him if he had been sick lately and he told him no. The doctor told him that IF he was older he would be worried about cancer in his lungs or heart. But since he is younger he is going to assume it is a viral infection. Okay... sounds good I guess. He also put him on some medication for the palpatations and flutterings. Something I assume will be long term. And then in a month he will have another echocardiogram (ultrasound) done on his heart and they will check the status of the fluid.

Now... really after all that the doctor had said I really shouldn't be worried. Because if the doctor was worried he would have done more tests... maybe even sent him to the hospital... but nope... just a script and an appointment in a month.

But trying to stay positive when you are already worried in the first place is so hard. The prospect of something even being remotely wrong with the person who you love more than anything in the world shakes you to your very core.

I want to believe and hope that nothing is wrong just as the doctor is doing (might I add he is the BEST cardiologist in the area) but since I tend to be a worry wart by nature and have problems being anxious ALL the time. I am afraid this next month will be a long one for me. And I am sure although he doesn't admit it, Pete is just as nervous. Who wouldn't freak out even the slightest at being told you have fluid around your heart?

So here I am... sitting and waiting... and praying that God will give me the strength to trust in Him that my husband will be around to grow old with me.

"Being careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanskgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace that passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Easter... Another picture review.

Here are our Easter pictures. I made both of the kids outfits. Everyone raved about them. They both looked so cute!

Josiah

Emma holding Grandma's hand.


Emma and Josiah

Emma hunting Easter Eggs

Okay here is our little family picture... pay no mind to me... I am still carrying baby fat!!! :)

And here is a treat... A video of Emma hunting eggs.

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