Well I made it another day... Although I know everyone thinks I am actually in the hospital right now... Such is not the case.
I stopped contracting... UGH!! As annoying as it was I would have liked it to continue so that maybe this crazy baby would come out!
I did have a bout of contractions this afternoon. But they amounted to nothing... I am currently contracting again as of about an hour ago... We shall see..
My mom says he has to be born tomorrow... it is her birthday! Happy Birthday Mom...but I don't think you will be getting your birthday wish... sorry!
Today a lady from church... a friend... came at around 7am to watch Emma while hubby and I got some much needed rest. She then stayed all day and let me take a nap... Heavenly!!
As I was laying in my bed this afternoon this thought came to me... This is probably the first time ever in all of Emma's life that I have been given a break... at my house... where I can enjoy my bed! Sure she has been to grandma's a couple of times and Pete and I have been on dates... but how nice was it to be able to have someone come and watch Emma without any of us having to leave?
I need to get this off my chest as well... So that hopefully when I get baby fever in a year I can come back and read it... I hate being pregnant... To me it is a means to an end... Pregnancy and Bekah DO NOT get along... My back problem is ten times worse during pregnancy... my uterus thinks she is too good to carry human life... and my head is convinced it is okay to continue to create massive migraines in the face of no medication...
I am sooooo discouraged right now... I could punch things.. but what would that solve... all I want to do is curl up and cry my eyes out... Even though I know that they is a light at the end of the tunnel I am failing to see it... I bite everyone's head off... I basically feel VERY depressed and I am just plain sick of people asking me how I feel... How do you think I feel people??? Don't you have something better to ask me!?? The one thing that keeps me going are the few people that continually encourage me and gently remind me that I can do this and it is almost over... I just keep thinking about the baby... the reward... although in this case I am afraid to get my hopes up... When we were told in August that Josiah had a cyst on his brain I have been worried about it since... I do have some peace that he will be okay... but there is this other part of me that is getting very scared as we get closer to due date... The cyst can indicate Trysomy 18... A deadly defect... most babies die within hours of birth... The neonatologist doesn't seem worried... although it is his job to give all the gory details and possibilities... My midwife doesn't seem worried although it is her job to not say one way or the other!! I can only hope that a few months from now I will look into the smiling face of my son and realize that he made it! That God created him just they He wanted him to be...
Oh I almost forgot... to top off all this nastiness with myself Emma seems to be coming down with a cold... Fun!!!
I am with Jamie on this one... Come to the light Josiah... the bright light!!
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hmm... I was actually thinking that was a good idea the other day... then the midwife said no you know what till the baby comes cause it will cause more contractions... but hey now that I think about it... isn't that what we want???
Oh Pete where are you???
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